I refuse to be a live-in girlfriend or fiancée. I’m also not going to date someone and wait several years for a proposal either. My time is valuable, and I imagine yours is too.
I believe many women are afraid to be upfront with guys about stuff like this. But here’s how I see it. Boyfriends and fiancés aren’t husbands. Therefore, they don’t deserve husband privileges. They also shouldn’t be taking up years of your life without a conversation (that should occur early) about their intentions with you. If there’s no serious future or commitment in sight, why let them waste your time? We can’t keep letting these guys get away with this stuff. Ladies, please remember, you are the prize in this scenario. So have an “I am the prize” mindset. The right men will step up, and the right one will respect you.
As a thirtysomething Christian woman, I understand my choice isn’t popular. And I know there are a ton of people who may never understand why I won’t bend on this. But in a time where there’s a lot of gray areas on different things, this is one thing that’s non-negotiable for me. Especially with the position I’m in as a believer. I know better. Old school believers already know why this is something the church doesn’t condone or recommend. However, some new school believers aren’t waiting anymore. A lot of them are hooking up, shacking up, and are on some, “I’m grown and can do whatever I want” stuff. And if you are grown, you can do what you want. But as a Christian, are the choices you’re making God’s best for you? Growing up, I slowly watched different Christian girls I grew up with slip out of the church and into the world. Consequently, there were a handful of heartbreaks, unplanned and unwanted pregnancies, rushed marriages, abrupt separations and divorces, and dysfunctional relationships that followed. Once guys came into the picture and a lot of the girls I once knew started getting in relationships and sleeping around, our friendships eventually faded. To this day, many of us no longer speak or keep in touch. And as painful and lonely as it was for me to lose those friendships, having them end was for the best. I soon realized that this walk with God wasn’t going to be an easy one. It definitely comes with a price.
None of us are perfect, but there was once a time when Christians had certain standards about themselves that set them apart. Romans 12:2 reads, “Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Interestingly enough, there was a time when I was totally fine with compromising on this. When I was 22 and met someone I thought was my future husband 😂, I told my mom, “I think couples should cohabitate together before marriage. That way, they know what it’s going to be like sharing a space with the other person.” She looked at me. She paused. Then she shook her head and responded, “Your generation is just different.”
Looking back, I can’t believe I said what I said. I blame my twentysomething immaturity and lack of wisdom. Some Christians and non-Christians who live with their significant others before marriage do go on to get married…sometimes. But things don’t always work out that way for everyone. My advice to young women, especially those in their twenties and thirties who are Christians, is to keep walking with God. I know it’s not easy or always feels fair or fun, but if it’s God’s will for you to marry, He’ll connect you with someone who will respect your choice to pause on living together until after the wedding.
It'll be worth the wait.