I was working from home in a very stressful job I’d been trying to leave for over a year. One of the biggest reasons why I was planning my exit was because I was frequently harassed by one of my male co-workers at that same job. And the harassment continued as I worked from home. The things that were happening weren’t okay, and I wasn’t okay either. What was especially unsettling about that experience was how isolating it was and discovering how wicked and heartless some people can be. I even had the receipts to prove what was going on, and nothing was done about any of it. Several other colleagues and I also noticed the favoritism extended to new employees, many of which we were tasked with training. New hires were continually promoted over us, as we watched more and more seasoned colleagues get demoted or unexpectedly let go, only to be replaced by those who were new. At the time, it all felt so unfair. The Lord really had to work on my spirit because I was salty about how things were handled for a long time. After submitting numerous job applications (before and during the pandemic) and interviewing for new roles, nothing was opening up. And I felt scared, stuck, and miserable. I honestly thought things were never going to change.
In addition to work, I wasn’t able to see many of my friends for a long time, as the world was still figuring out how to navigate living in a global pandemic. So most of my days were spent in isolation, working from home. Attending socially distanced church services on Sundays, going for outdoor walks, trips to the grocery store, and food and coffee runs helped, but I still wasn’t feeling like my normal self.
I also wasn’t dating. Which bothered me because how does one meet someone or find a significant other during a pandemic? I’d been praying about my love life for a long time, and since I didn’t feel like things were moving forward as I hoped, I thought the answer was to explore dating apps for the first time. But after my very short-lived experience (one I never plan on trying again) and an embarrassing and failed attempt to woo a guy I was interested in, I didn’t feel right about how I was approaching things. I also knew I wasn’t heading in the direction the Lord wanted me to go. So I deleted the apps and moved on.
And then things started changing… for other people around me.
Suddenly, a ton of co-workers I knew and worked closely with were interviewing and hired for new jobs and able to move forward from where we’d all been working. I also learned that other people I knew were landing new opportunities too. And I also noticed an increased wave of marriage proposals, engagements, weddings, and plenty of pregnancy announcements as well. How in the world did so many people manage to find relationships at a time like this? Honestly, I felt some type of way about all of it. I’m not a hater, but it’s not easy watching others around you get blessed with different things you’ve prayed for, have gone without, and have deeply longed for too. Was I happy for everyone I saw getting blessed? Absolutely.
But what about me, Lord?
It seemed like everyone I was connected to was moving forward except for me. And I really struggled with that. What was I doing wrong? I’m a good person. I’m a faithful Christian who’s committed to my relationship with the Lord. I pay my tithes. I’m not out here living reckless or wild. And though I’m not perfect and have made mistakes, I still felt deserving of better. But no matter how hopeless I felt, I knew the Lord was still with me. After all, even though I wasn’t where I wanted to be, He was still providing. Not once did I go without food, water, clothing, shelter, a paycheck, or a job.
And then, when I least expected it, things started changing again. Only this time around, things began changing for me.
When others around me were getting blessed, I didn’t understand that I was next in line too. Typically, if and when you are surrounded by people who are getting blessed, it’s only a matter of time until you’re next. Trust me. I was eventually able to reconnect with friends and family I hadn’t seen in months as the pandemic restrictions lifted. By the end of summer, I interviewed for a teaching position and got hired to start in the fall. And I learned that the pace, timing, and outcome of my love life was (and remains) in the Lord’s hands.
There will be times and seasons in your life when you might wonder, But what about me, Lord? And you may even wrestle with some doubts, discouragement, and disappointments. But as hard as it may feel and seem at times, hang in there. The Lord sees, knows, and cares about everything concerning you, and that’s happening in your life. Even the little things. He’s not going to forget about you, so trust Him. When my faith felt flimsy last year, I started journaling again. When I journaled, I wrote down everything I prayed about as if my prayers were already answered. And almost everything I journaled about last year has come to pass within this year. If the Lord can move in my life, I believe He can and will move in yours too. Trust Him.