Then I turned 26…27…28…29…and then I was 30. Now, I’m 31.
And although I’m not married, I’m loving where I’m at in life right now. But before this time, I was struggling. Especially when I saw how God blessed other women with husbands. More specifically, women, I didn’t like. Women who were scandalous. Women who were boastful about their relationships. And arrogant, obnoxious, and sometimes rude and mean towards women who weren’t in relationships and unmarried. Watching women I didn’t like being blessed with what I’d prayed, waited, and asked God for, made me mad, sad, and so confused. The timeline of things didn’t make sense to me either. Granted, some of those marriages didn’t last, but looking back, I didn’t like how things were going in my own life, so my saltiness was more about me and less about them. Deep down I knew that no matter how I felt about God blessing women I didn’t like, the Christian thing to do would be to take the high road and wish those ladies well. Which I tried my best to do, but still fell short sometimes.
As a Christian, this is an area I’ve had to do a heart check with many, many times.
The same thing happened when after bringing my A-game and putting in a ton of hard work at a former company I was at, myself and other colleagues I worked closely with, ended up training new employees who were eventually promoted over us and became our superiors. That was not a pleasant season to move through. It felt humiliating and so uncomfortable. I even shut down at one point when I would arrive to work in the mornings – around that time, I would walk in the building, not speak to anyone, and begrudgingly sit in my cubicle thinking about how soon I could update my résumé so I could bounce. Not speaking or saying good morning when I’d arrive was totally out of character for me, and I had to get myself together quickly. Shortly after, I put my big girl panties on and ended up sending almost everyone who was promoted congratulation emails. Always aim to take the high road, even when it doesn’t feel good.
There was another time when a middle school nemesis who terrorized me when I was a teenager was transitioned into a manager role at that same company. Did I mention that I found out she was engaged around the time I was still there too? Isn’t life funny? We weren’t really on speaking terms, and she would often actively avoid me, so maybe giving her a congratulations on your engagement card would have been kind of awkward. Who knows?
There have been numerous times when I've watched someone I didn’t particularly care for get blessed with a new opportunity, a new relationship, dope material things, you name it, and more, and on the inside, I’d be thinking Bye, Felicia, nobody cares about what you got going on until God got on me and dealt with my heart. And while I’d like to say I’m fully delivered, every now and then I still have to check myself. God blesses who He wants to bless. And who He chooses to do that for is none of my business. There may be people looking at my life who don’t like me, thinking I don’t deserve the blessings I have either, but is that my business? Not really. So, how do you react when God blesses someone you don’t like? Especially if that certain someone happens to be someone mean-spirited or unkind towards you or others? Would you celebrate and congratulate them? Or would you throw shade, or say nothing at all?
It’s an interesting thing to think about.