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About Ruling With Kindness

In the late ‘90s, a dark teen-comedy named Jawbreaker released. It was a film about three popular teenagers who accidentally murdered their best friend on her birthday. Each year, this group of teen queens played birthday pranks on each other. The idea for their friend, Elizabeth “Liz” Purr’s, (affectionally referred to in the film as the “cat’s meow”) birthday was to kidnap her as a joke, have her consume a ton of carbs for breakfast, and then tie her up to their school’s flagpole in her bra and underwear. The only problem was that the prank went horrifically wrong when one of the cruelest of the three friends, Courtney Shayne, gagged Liz with a Jawbreaker and then with the help of her friends, stuffed Liz in the trunk of her car during the kidnapping. When the girls opened the trunk outside the diner they parked at, they froze as they saw Liz’s cold and deceased body, as well as the jawbreaker, stuck in her throat.

Although these girls were all friends, at the beginning of the film the narrator revealed that while each of the four teen girls were essentially high-school royalty, Courtney was a mean girl who ruled with terror and hated that her best friend, Liz, who was well-liked and known for being sweet, smart, rich, and beautiful, ruled with kindness. So, like most mean girls, Courtney was jealous of her best friend and decided to do something about it. Which led to her friend’s “accidental” death. I say accidental only because while the other two friends involved, Marcie and Julie, were more like followers who seemed innocent and were unaware of Courtney’s plans to gag Liz during the kidnapping, Courtney was heartless. She didn’t seem to get that someone can still be popular and kind at the same time. You don’t have to be mean to rule. That was something that Liz understood. And although her role in the film was short-lived, it was a reminder to me that ruling with kindness is a great way to go.

 

In the past, I’ve been called “too sweet” or “too nice” by different mean women I’ve interacted with and by other women I’ve worked with in superior roles in the workplace, who had reputations for being unlikable, rude, and nasty. Apparently, my kindness was perceived as a weakness. However, I believe kindness is one of the strongest traits any woman can have. And I’d rather be kind than mean. Some of the mean women I’ve worked with felt like in order to be effective and successful leaders, people had to fear them. Many of these women were (and still are) massively insecure, easily intimidated by others, and have been heavily critical of other women they’ve perceived as threats. I’ve watched (and sometimes had to stand up) for myself and others, as these kinds of women who poisoned the workplace, created a toxic work climate. Some of them have been cruel and unapologetic and have done bizarre things like brag about their titles, spouses, education, years of work experience, their awards and credentials, and more. Essentially, a list of things no one else really cares about except for them. And anytime I’ve ever crossed paths with a woman who behaves like any of the women mentioned above? I note what not to do. I also see who I don’t ever want to become. 


You can still rule with kindness and get things done. It takes courage to be and remain kind, especially when others are mean. So much of today's culture spotlights and celebrates different women known for being wildly negative and mean, as if that kind of behavior is a good thing. Being kind is so much better. So, why not rule with kindness? 

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