I was 22.
And I fell apart when the guy I was talking to ended up ditching me for another girl who had me beat in the booty and boobs department. I learned of her bodacious bod (and seemingly wonderful life) after doing the one thing I warn other women not to do, which is to creep on another woman’s social media page, especially if and when she’s with the guy you were with. It’s just not something you want to do. Trust me. For the record, I absolutely love the body I have, but back then I was struggling. At the time my self-esteem wasn’t the best. I also didn’t have a lot going for myself either, so having a guy in my life made me feel good and seemed like the next best thing. And when things didn’t work out and he moved on with someone else, I didn’t handle it well. I mean, I was real upset. Like, ugly crying, recklessly posting on Facebook, and everything. Not one of my proudest moments, but we all evolve, right?
From what I could see during my regretful social media deep dive, I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised about who he chose. He had a very specific type and frequently gravitated towards light-skinned girls who were voluptuous, hood, and a bit more around the way, as referenced in LL Cool J’s hit song. I, however, was not his type. And because I was 22, naïve, insecure, and lonely, and thought I’d never meet another guy, I instantly began picking myself apart and comparing myself to a girl on the internet that I’d never met before. I wondered, is she prettier than me? After comparing my body to hers, my hair, skin tone, the different colleges we attended, and more, I didn’t feel any better. I felt worse. Just what was it that she had that I didn’t? (We covered this with the boobs and booty department, right? – 😂) Why did he choose her and not me? Why am I not good enough? Just why? Then I backed away from my computer, got myself together, and eventually moved on. And if I could ever go back in time and sit with my 22-year-old self, I would tell her this:
Girl, chill. For real. That guy wasn’t right for you anyway and he didn’t treat you right either. So why are you so upset? Better yet, are you really surprised? All those red flags you saw early on (and chose to ignore) were warning signs. But it’s okay, you’re only 22. You were just happy to meet someone you thought really liked you. I know you thought he was “the one” and that he was the best you could do, but that’s because he’s the first guy that came along while you were in your twenties. Sweet girl, you’re still so young and have a lot to learn. I mean, a lot. I promise you that one day your confidence will grow and that you are going to laugh about this entire thing. Also, why don’t you deactivate your Facebook page for awhile? You seem to get emotionally triggered by some of the things you see online. There will always be someone who’s prettier, slimmer, smarter, sexier, and more successful than you. And guess what? That’s life. But ask yourself, “Is comparing myself to someone else helping or hurting me?” I’ve seen your future and I want you to know that you will thank God you didn’t end up with that guy. I also want you to know that you are more than your looks and your relationship status. I know you want a boyfriend and that you want to get married someday, but a lot of the things you thought you wanted are going to change. You just don’t know it yet. You are smart, beautiful, and going places for sure. You’ll see. So get yourself together. Everything’s going to be okay.
So, dear reader, now that I’ve been open and vulnerable and have bravely shared this story with you, I hope that you will no longer compare yourself to others. Please enjoy and celebrate the wonderful person you already are. You’re amazing.