Teacher Table Talk: God, Why Did You Open This Door?

Have you ever had one of those moments when you pulled your car ever so slowly into the parking lot outside of your job, and as soon as you parked, you sat for a while and either thought about calling out sick or straight up wanted to pull off right after you arrived? Well, that was me around this time last year. Almost regularly.

I was working as an academic advisor and a communications specialist and while I was making an okay living, had great health benefits, worked with some cool colleagues, and was able to afford my essential needs and some wants, I felt broken, discontented, and discouraged inside. I dreaded going to work every day. And I was mentally and physically drained from the hostile work environment I was in. I also grew weary from working on new job applications and interviewing for different positions I wasn’t getting. It seemed like things were never going to change. Plus, with a global pandemic added to the mix, things only got worse before they got better. So, I endured and kept working, praying, and applying and interviewing for new jobs. And nothing was opening up.

At one point, I thought about bagging groceries at Food Lion. For real. It would have been a major change of scenery, and I’m certain I would have taken an enormous pay cut, but at the time, it was a move and sacrifice I was willing to make. I could wear a mask – hide my real facial expressions, help customers bag their groceries, and do it all in peace. I knew my days were numbered where I was, so I thought I can always work somewhere like Food Lion. I know that sounds like an odd option for an English major, but my mind went there. And then the unexpected happened.

I was contacted and interviewed for a teaching position I’d applied for mid-summer, and it wasn’t a position I thought I had a full chance at getting. Deep down, I knew I was reaching, but I also knew it was time for some changes. After I got through the final round of interviews, I was offered the position and accepted it. Then I found myself wondering, God, why did you open this door? I’m excited and thankful, but why this one? There have been some people who let me know how unqualified they think I am. I’ve heard the snippy and condescending comments about things like my lack of teaching experience, my age, and my race, but even with the noise, I’m working hard and walking by faith. God’s still revealing the why of it all to me, and I’m listening, learning, and paying attention. Each week is different and has its challenges and rewards, but I’m enjoying the work I get to do, and I desire to continue growing and succeeding in my role.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves