I Don’t Want A Blended Family

I could feel his disappointment through the phone when I told him the truth.

“I don’t date guys with kids.”

I’d been talking to a guy who had a daughter, and I wanted to be honest and upfront with him since he expressed interest in me. As I got to know him, I knew he wasn’t someone seeking a casual relationship. He wanted a wife, more kids, and a family. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting those things, I knew I didn’t want them with him. I also didn’t want to string him along or hold him up from a woman better suited for him, and while I tried to be honest, open, and go with the flow, I couldn’t. I knew I’d be unhappy because he wasn’t what I wanted, waited for, prayed for, or envisioned for myself. Not only was I disinterested, but I also knew that deep down, I didn’t want a blended family. I never have. So eventually, we stopped talking altogether and parted ways.

I don’t have kids and I’m not sure if I will, but one thing I’ve always known is that if I did marry, I didn’t want to be with someone who had a child/children from a previous relationship. I’ve always wanted to be with someone who was child-free so that we both would have the time and space to enjoy and build our lives together alone, and then start a family without having to navigate being stepparents, co-parenting with exes, and more. Some women don’t mind dating or marrying a guy with kids, but I’ve always known the route I wanted to take. I’ve received a ton of warnings that I might miss out, end up alone, or that it’s rare to meet guys who don’t have kids, but just because other people have those mindsets, doesn’t mean I have to or that I have to settle. Unfortunately, with my generation, I have noticed that a lot of young men, especially in the Black community, are single fathers, but that’s not the case for all Black men or men from other races.

I’ve shared how I felt with some of my close girlfriends, and they’ve listened to me and respect my choice. I’ve also had this same conversation with some of my guy friends and some family members who are single and don’t have kids, who too, have expressed that they are not interested in getting involved with anyone who has kids either. Sometimes I think people who are single parents get offended and disappointed about this, and while I don’t look down on anyone who is a single parent and respect and understand that everyone’s situation is different, I know that ultimately, we all have different desires and visions for our lives and for what we want our families to look like. And it’s important to be honest with others and especially yourself about what you want and don’t want for yourself.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

How To Respond To A Nasty Email

Technology has made many people bold, rude, and incredibly messy. Often to the point where some may hide behind words they’ve typed instead of verbally communicating a message they want to convey. Such can be the case when it comes to sending emails. Ah, emails. You know what they are. Electronic messages that can be quickly drafted, sent, and misinterpreted (because you can’t always interpret tones or emotions through them). Which is why it’s key to know how to respond to nasty emails if they should ever come your way – especially in the workplace. As a working professional, there have been plenty of times when a coworker or superior sent an email my way that was petty, mad disrespectful, and unprofessional. And before I learned how to properly utilize email etiquette, my first instinct would always be to clap back. I just felt the need to respond and to communicate that I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they were, to disrespect me. And while I haven’t taken t...

Making Waves