The Inbox Where Stuff Happens

This generation of men has a different and sometimes unusual approach when it comes to pursuing women. Sliding into a woman’s inbox on social media has become a frequent and familiar way for many seeking relationships to make their move. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t. It’s a risk for sure, but is this really an ideal way to get to know someone? How much do we really know about the people we’re connected to and interacting with? If you pay close attention, most people typically reveal who they are. You can tell a lot about someone from the things they willingly put out or choose not to. One evening, I went through some messages I received from different guys who follow me on Facebook. A lot of them were compliments about my looks, inquiries about my relationship status, and I even received this emoji too – 😍.

While it’s flattering to receive kind messages, I typically don’t get carried away with them. Because while some of the guys who have reached out have honestly been attractive, funny, and charming… I’ve come across (and have even been out with some) who were mean, reckless, and disgusting online and off, interacted with messy women, led lifestyles that conflicted with mine, and didn’t have the best intentions. There was one guy who tried to convince me that he was a Christian after learning of my lifestyle as a Christian too. For all I know, he could have really been about that life. Except I wasn’t too convinced after he tried to proposition me. Which was unsettling. Fortunately, I was smart enough not to get caught up. I met another guy who was relieved to see that I looked the same in person as I did in my photos, which I guess isn’t odd considering how many people filter their photos beyond recognition these days. No shade to anyone who uses them, but if you’re using filters, it’s probably not a bad idea to have photos up without them. That way people know what you really look like.

Facebook, or almost any other social media platform, can be a chill place to meet potenital suitors. Prayerfully people you know or know well through mutual friends. But if you're seeking something real, I recommend connecting with God. Granted, He can move through the world of social media and your inbox, but unfortunately, a lot of what's out there isn't always as real as people think. While it's nice to be open, it's naive to assume that everyone you meet is worthy of your time, energy, or attention. You don't want or need anyone or anything in your life that will complicate it. So be wise, remain prayerful, and discerning.

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Stop Saying Stupid Stuff To People Who Are Childless

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves