One day, a group of co-workers and I ended up having a teacher table talk about this topic after one of my colleagues mentioned not wanting her son to have a baby out of wedlock. She shared, “I know it sounds old-fashioned, but he’s just too young to deal with something like that.” Suddenly, a brief silence fell over the room. Then I spoke. “Well, people having babies out of wedlock has become something common, but I don’t think it’s old-fashioned not to if you were raised with a love, marriage, and then baby carriages approach. Ideally, for me, the goal has been for things to happen in that order, but I get that things are different for everyone.”
Another colleague, who shared she was pregnant before she got married, expressed her thoughts as well. She explained her concerns and worries over how she thought she’d be perceived while working as an educator who was pregnant out of wedlock. I also learned stories about different women in previous roles as educators who were passed over for promotions and leadership opportunities when their administrators found out they were in similar situations. Because I’ve had family members, friends, and former colleagues who have been on the receiving end of incidents like this, and justifiably hurt, I can empathize with them. I don’t think it’s right for anyone to be denied of an opportunity just because they’re pregnant and unmarried. However, as an educator, you’re essentially a role model. And as a female one, sometimes the unwritten rules and expectations can get complicated.
Though we all had different opinions, we respectfully heard and listened to one another. Woman to woman. Open, honest, vulnerable, and real. And our talk prompted me to think about my own upbringing.
As a Christian, there have been times when my lifestyle and take on different things have caused rifts, controversy, and unintentional offense. Especially regarding my approach to relationships and starting a family. I’ve been ridiculed, talked about, and even mocked about my views. And it took me a long time to understand that when you’re moving differently from what’s considered normal or common, there will be people who find you offensive and won’t like you or what you’re doing. They might think you’re strange or a prude or a snob, or from my experience, say crazy things to you like, “You’re not better than me,” which is unfortunate to hear, especially when claimed from a malicious place. But you can’t allow what others think to dictate your life. I know who I am and who I am not, and the uniqueness of life is that we all come from different backgrounds, have different beliefs, and don’t have to like or agree with each other about everything. But anyhow.
Ultimately, I believe it's important to respect others, no matter what your beliefs are. Some women have babies before marriage, some wait until marriage, and some may choose to adopt whether married or not. There are even some women who decide not to have children at all. No matter what you choose, I hope you're able to have healthy, respectful, and open dialouges with people who may have views different from your own. Again, we don't have to agree with each other about everything, but it takes courage to stand firm in your beliefs and respectfully hear others out.