One afternoon, a close friend of mine sent me a screenshot via text of some distasteful and racist comments one of her social media followers posted on Facebook, referencing the Black Lives Matter movement. My friend, who happens to be White, was very upset and wanted my advice about how to respond. When I read the things her follower wrote, which were foolish and mean-spirited, and frankly, seemed to come from a place of ignorance and hate, I could fully understand why my friend was unsettled. She responded by tastefully calling out the bad behavior and later wondered if she should have offered her follower an apology, which seemed bogus to me since her follower was the one who started everything by posting a negative rant in the first place. But because my friend is a kind and calm soul, she wanted to make peace. After sending me her response to the negative post, I texted her back with this:
I think you’re a rock star for showing where you stand, but you don’t owe her an apology or explanation. If she responds or reacts with something negative, you can always unfriend her. By the way, she also spelled the word “privilege” wrong – 😳.
As a writer, I’m often baffled (and sometimes tickled) by internet trolls who are bold enough to post reckless things online and somehow manage not to spell things correctly. I guess that’s their cross to bear. But anyway. My friend did not end up apologizing for her response and thanked me for my advice and support. When these things happen, I typically advise people not to respond at all – as no response can speak volumes too, but every situation is different. I’m not sure if she remained connected to the follower who posted the racist comments, but here’s what I do know: I don’t have time for negativity. I also don’t want to see it throughout my social media newsfeed. And the moment I spot negative, hateful, or unkind behavior from any follower, whether it’s from a family member or colleague or associate or friend, I won’t hesitate to utilize the unfollow or unfriend features as needed to maintain my peace. Believe it or not, I’ve had other family members and friends send me screenshots of petty and mean things people in their lives have written and posted about them, and often, those posts caused a lot of problems. Listen, people have been fired, broken up with, lost friendships beyond repair, and more because of thoughtless social media posts.
If you wouldn’t say it in person or to someone’s face? Don’t post it online. Save this advice in your phone as a reminder if you need to.
Digital footprints and screenshots have consequences. I know we all make mistakes and prayerfully many of us have evolved to the point where we conduct ourselves wisely online, however, I’ve found that people are typically bolder online and may frequently and carelessly post things that they would never say to someone’s face. Unfortunately, there will always be an audience for drama, nastiness, and negativity. You can’t control this, but you can control how you respond, what you consume, and you can change your social media settings and choose who you decide to follow or remain friends with.
If you’re feeling triggered… take a moment to pause and step away from your smartphone or any other device you might have access to. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you and cause you to do or post something silly or stupid because you’re upset about something you saw online. If you back away from the situation and cool off, you may find that no response is the best response.
If you’re feeling jealous or insecure… take some time off of social media. Log out of your account, take your social media apps off your phone, and try doing a social media fast. I’ve experienced great results with this. And taking time away from the noise of hundreds of followers posts, thoughts, and a flood of highlight-reels has helped me appreciate the incredible blessings I have in my own life (offline), happening every day, without seeing what everyone else is up to.
If you’re feeling inspired or encouraged… try following more followers, friends, and pages that promote feelings and positive vibes of inspiration and encouragement. With Facebook, you can change your newsfeed settings to your liking. I enjoy following people who share lovely, fun, and joyful photos, encouraging words, (clean) funny stories, and inspirational messages. I know social media algorithms can be tricky to navigate, so avoiding negativity completely may not be realistic, but my goal is to amplify positivity as much as I can. Remember, who you choose to follow, or friend is your choice. Choose well.