When I was 13 (as seen in the picture above) I would have thoroughly appreciated having the opportunity to participate in virtual learning. Especially if it meant not having to physically be at school with my peers. Moving through middle school wasn’t easy for me. Now that I’m actively working as an educator with sixth graders, I’ve been thinking a lot about what middle school was like when I was a student. And while things have changed a lot since then, I often think about how this generation of middle schoolers are adjusting and adapting to virtual learning, moving through a pandemic, and growing up with things like social media and having the world at their fingertips via smartphones and laptops. It’s wild.
Although middle school wasn’t a complete nightmare (I was a steady honor student, involved in orchestra, and cultivated some close friendships), I struggled with anxiety, depression, and fear while trying to adapt and find my way socially. I had friends and was able to communicate with my peers, however, I did get picked on a lot which eventually led to some mild bullying by the time I got to the eighth grade. At one point I dreaded going to school. Some mornings and weekends before a new week would start, I’d cry and ask my parents not to make me go. As much as they didn’t like seeing me upset, my mom would tell me, “It’s going to be okay. I wish I could be there with you, but you’re going to have to toughen up.” And she was right. As uncomfortable as that time was, I would need to toughen up if I was going to make it through school. Everything was going to be okay too.
I was laughed at and called a loser, ugly, and a nerd. As I write this, I’m fully aware that I’m not a loser, ugly, or a nerd, but hearing those things made me very insecure. Kids can be cruel and massively savage. There was a specific group of girls, all of whom I remember to this day, who would joke me about my shoes and clothes and the way I looked. And a few who threatened to beat me up – typically over trivial things like a false rumor someone started or having a crush on the same guys. There were also a handful of different guys, all of whom I remember to this day, who made fun of the way I looked too. Interestingly enough, I’ve crossed paths with almost all of these individuals since we’ve become adults, and they usually do one of three things after we’ve run into each other:
· Actively avoid me and go in the opposite direction upon making eye contact. I guess some of them feel bad about how awful they were, but I’m no grudge holder or actively seeking revenge. One girl who terrorized me was actually in a supervisor role at a previous job I used to work at. She remembered who I was, and we both avoided each other for a while, but eventually spoke and moved on. Everyone makes mistakes and does dumb stuff when they’re young. Although I have no desire to reconnect with certain people from that time, I wish everyone well. I really do.
· Send me Facebook friend requests… which is a bold move. I’ve accepted some of them, which have typically been followed by personal messages letting me know how much they think I’ve changed since we were kids. I even had dinner with a former peer from that time who reached out after finding me on Facebook. It was cool catching up.
· Or they are over-the-top (and questionably) friendly, followed by small talk. Which has been awkward at times. I usually smile, respond, and move along. We’re all adults now, right?
The girls and guys who picked on me scarred my self-esteem and confidence back then, and my grades eventually suffered as a result. Once my parents and teachers understood how serious things were and got involved, I was in and out of my guidance counselor’s office, my grades eventually improved again, and I spent a lot of time alone writing and praying and trusting that God would help me get through that difficult time. And while it wasn’t easy, I did. I toughened up too and learned a lot about myself and how to empathize with others. Even people I couldn’t understand at the time. Which has been beneficial to me as an adult. In some ways, I feel like I have an internal how-to guide to surviving and thriving in middle school. I know some of the kids who made fun of me have kids of their own now, and I’m curious about how their teens will adapt. Will they be like their parents? Maybe better? Or nothing like them at all? I guess time will tell. I hope that if I have kids of my own someday that they won’t go through what I went through and will have the courage to be themselves and stand up to anyone they see being picked on or bullied. In the meantime, I’m happy to help the kids I’m working with now should they find themselves facing similar challenges.