Women I Choose Not To Support

While I’m all for female empowerment and women supporting other women, I have a confession to make. I don’t support every woman I meet or encounter. And for valid reasons. If you’re a woman reading this right now, I can probably guess a handful of thoughts running through your mind. But before you take my statement the wrong way, let me explain. I’m not a hater, shade-thrower, or someone who’s into tearing down other women. I’ve seen enough awful women who are about that life and I’m not here for it. Women who behave that way are the women I choose not to support. The haters. The shade-throwers. And the type who are into tearing down others. We all make mistakes and I won’t pretend I’m a woman who’s always been supportive of others. In the past, I’ve been dismissive, insecure, and felt I needed to compete with other women to get ahead. I’ve also clapped back at mean-spirited women when they’ve come at me sideways or said or did something petty aimed at me or others. But I’ve grown to realize that instead of responding to that kind of behavior, I could just ignore it. I’ve also met different women who have come to me with requests for help and support with their writing and branding and have asked me to contribute my time to their groups, events, and more, and while I do like to see other women get ahead, unfortunately, I’ve chosen to decline different invitations from women I’ve observed or know don’t have good intentions. Sure, I could still partner with some of them. But why be fake? I choose to build and work with women who are kind, genuine, and supportive of other women who have solid core values. If you’re a woman reading this, understand that you get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. Be the best you and be someone worth knowing and supporting. And always remember, there’s enough room for all of us to succeed.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves