Women I Choose Not To Support

While I’m all for female empowerment and women supporting other women, I have a confession to make. I don’t support every woman I meet or encounter. And for valid reasons. If you’re a woman reading this right now, I can probably guess a handful of thoughts running through your mind. But before you take my statement the wrong way, let me explain. I’m not a hater, shade-thrower, or someone who’s into tearing down other women. I’ve seen enough awful women who are about that life and I’m not here for it. Women who behave that way are the women I choose not to support. The haters. The shade-throwers. And the type who are into tearing down others. We all make mistakes and I won’t pretend I’m a woman who’s always been supportive of others. In the past, I’ve been dismissive, insecure, and felt I needed to compete with other women to get ahead. I’ve also clapped back at mean-spirited women when they’ve come at me sideways or said or did something petty aimed at me or others. But I’ve grown to realize that instead of responding to that kind of behavior, I could just ignore it. I’ve also met different women who have come to me with requests for help and support with their writing and branding and have asked me to contribute my time to their groups, events, and more, and while I do like to see other women get ahead, unfortunately, I’ve chosen to decline different invitations from women I’ve observed or know don’t have good intentions. Sure, I could still partner with some of them. But why be fake? I choose to build and work with women who are kind, genuine, and supportive of other women who have solid core values. If you’re a woman reading this, understand that you get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. Be the best you and be someone worth knowing and supporting. And always remember, there’s enough room for all of us to succeed.

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Stop Saying Stupid Stuff To People Who Are Childless

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

Ditching Dating And Decentering Men

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

Making Waves