The Time I Dropped F-Bombs In Front Of Jesus

The day it happened I was an emotional wreck.

I was tired, sad, angry, and frustrated. All at the same time. And I let it rip. I cursed out loud, in private (thank goodness), in front of Jesus. I’m not one to use much profanity but with how I was feeling at the time, it felt warranted. This season has been challenging and there have been times when I have honestly hated it. I haven’t enjoyed the negative ways it’s made me feel. I don’t like how it’s disrupted my sleep. And I really don’t like how it’s robbed me of my hope and my peace. Even before the pandemic hit, I’d been praying and asking God to move in different areas of my life where I wanted to see change and progression. And while I won’t deny that there have been some occasional blessings here and there, at the time I was upset, I wasn’t experiencing the kind of breakthroughs I’ve prayed for, worked for, and waited for.

So the day I dropped those f-bombs during my prayer time was no joke. I was deeply disappointed. And exhausted. And very miserable. The funny thing was the next day after my not so proud moment of crying out to Jesus (with questionable language included) I had just received an email that I won a writing contest and a cash prize for a piece I submitted a little over a month before I fell apart. I wrote an original psalm about everything I was feeling and going through. And that moment reminded me that Jesus hears me. As a Christian, I know I don’t have to be fake with Jesus or silent about my pain. Sometimes I think different Christians struggle with this. They don’t always allow themselves to be raw and honest about how they’re feeling and as a result, they pretend to be okay instead of admitting when they’re not. It’s okay to not be okay. I believe in being honest with yourself and with Jesus. If there’s anyone you can be completely honest with, it’s Him. I was drained the day I let it all out but felt relieved after my moment because I was able to communicate what I was feeling and why I felt the way I did. I know Jesus understands. And while I’m still praying, working, and waiting for breakthroughs in this season, I’m also hitting the refresh button on my faith and looking forward to some positive changes ahead.

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Making Waves