The Time I Dropped F-Bombs In Front Of Jesus

The day it happened I was an emotional wreck.

I was tired, sad, angry, and frustrated. All at the same time. And I let it rip. I cursed out loud, in private (thank goodness), in front of Jesus. I’m not one to use much profanity but with how I was feeling at the time, it felt warranted. This season has been challenging and there have been times when I have honestly hated it. I haven’t enjoyed the negative ways it’s made me feel. I don’t like how it’s disrupted my sleep. And I really don’t like how it’s robbed me of my hope and my peace. Even before the pandemic hit, I’d been praying and asking God to move in different areas of my life where I wanted to see change and progression. And while I won’t deny that there have been some occasional blessings here and there, at the time I was upset, I wasn’t experiencing the kind of breakthroughs I’ve prayed for, worked for, and waited for.

So the day I dropped those f-bombs during my prayer time was no joke. I was deeply disappointed. And exhausted. And very miserable. The funny thing was the next day after my not so proud moment of crying out to Jesus (with questionable language included) I had just received an email that I won a writing contest and a cash prize for a piece I submitted a little over a month before I fell apart. I wrote an original psalm about everything I was feeling and going through. And that moment reminded me that Jesus hears me. As a Christian, I know I don’t have to be fake with Jesus or silent about my pain. Sometimes I think different Christians struggle with this. They don’t always allow themselves to be raw and honest about how they’re feeling and as a result, they pretend to be okay instead of admitting when they’re not. It’s okay to not be okay. I believe in being honest with yourself and with Jesus. If there’s anyone you can be completely honest with, it’s Him. I was drained the day I let it all out but felt relieved after my moment because I was able to communicate what I was feeling and why I felt the way I did. I know Jesus understands. And while I’m still praying, working, and waiting for breakthroughs in this season, I’m also hitting the refresh button on my faith and looking forward to some positive changes ahead.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

Dear Young Black Professionals

As you embark on your career, I want you to know some things and stay woke about what you’ll be up against. Please understand that no matter what, you have value, and you matter. Always remember that. As progressive as this world and different workplaces may seem, every workplace has a culture. You’ll be in different places where a lot of people who don’t look like you will be in the room. But know that you belong in those rooms too. Spend some time observing and studying those spaces and learn as much as you can. There will be people you work with who will make presumptions about your competence, education, and ability to fulfill your job duties. There will be more who will think less of you because of the color of your skin and try to disqualify you the moment you make an error, mistake, or ask questions about things you may not understand. This will all feel uncomfortable and you may get insecure, feel like you’re all by yourself, and think you don’t belong there, but ride it out...

Making Waves