I always imagined that I’d meet a guy to my liking organically. Not through an app.
While I haven’t downloaded any dating apps and have often warned other women about being careful about the kind of guys they interact with online and in-person, as it turns out, I’ve had movement through my social media app meeting different guys. So technically, I have done some online dating. I’ve responded to some direct messages I’ve received and left others on read, however last year around this time, I got up with a guy who seemed cool. We had a ton of mutual friends in common and when he gave me his number, we talked for a bit and decided to meet up. We had a nice time and talked for a little while after we met, and then we eventually parted ways. I’ve been out with other guys I’ve known before social media became a thing too, some who reached out to me through the app, and while it’s not online dating in the sense of using a dating app, it’s still very similar.
And it’s more common than I thought.
I used to be apprehensive about online dating, and while I’d prefer to meet someone without it, I can see why people use it. Honestly, it’s a chill way to be intentional about your love life. Especially if you have a time-consuming career and aren’t frequenting environments where you’re meeting the kind of people you’d like to meet. Before COVID-19 hit, I was out and about almost every weekend. Immersing myself in social events, gatherings, activities, and more, mainly just to have fun, but also with the understanding that if you’re single and want to meet someone, you can’t be locked up indoors. No one is going to come looking for you or appear out of nowhere. I also don’t believe that praying for someone to show up works either. I grew up Christian and I’m still a Christian who believes that prayer is applicable for some things but being proactive about getting what you want requires intention. That’s just common sense. I was raised in religious environments that heavily preached on waiting and praying for who you were supposed to end up with, but once I realized that many of us aren’t meant to be with just one person (that whole idea of the one can come off outdated and unrealistic) and eventually got more woke about the kind of guys I was meeting in and out of church, I decided to approach dating more casually. While I believe the intentions behind the messages I received growing up meant well, they were more hindering than helpful. Also, self-help dating books marketed to single women aren’t too helpful either. I read a ton of them (for research purposes and curiosity) and ultimately wiped my library clean of any books that fell under that category. Again, I’m sure the authors behind those books mean well, but at some point, you can’t rely on a book to inform you about who you are and what’s best for you. That’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own.
Overall when it comes to online dating, I’ve heard mixed reviews. A handful of people have encouraged me to “put myself out there” more and be more open because guys don’t ask girls out anymore (which isn’t entirely true… in the past few years I’ve been approached and asked out in person after attending social events or out running errands. I believe confident guys ask girls out.) Then I know others who have been totally against it. I was warned that using dating apps was desperate and dangerous, and a pastor I follow implied that participating in online dating could get you in trouble.
Here’s the thing though. Ultimately, what you want to do and decide to do with your life is your choice. You can still date safely and smartly.
I used to judge women who used apps to meet guys, but I don’t do that anymore. You may not meet the love of your life up there or you might, but I think the best way to approach dating, whether online or in-person is to just enjoy it and see what happens.