The co-worker is a necessary evil of the workplace – Issa Rae; The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl
If you’re reading this right now, I imagine you’re at least intrigued about my thoughts on this particular topic because of one of the following…
· You follow my work because you think I’m an awesome writer 😊.
· You’re frustrated and need to feel there is someone else who gets and understands what kind of a workplace environment you’re in and what it’s like dealing with different colleagues you’d rather avoid.
· You work with someone and/or different people you don’t like… and maybe some who don’t like you.
Now that we’re here, let’s get to it.
I’ve had the opportunity to work with some really great colleagues, some whom I consider casual friends. On the flip side of that, there have been people where I’ve been like, “Lord, please help me have the wisdom to know what to say and what not to say, how to respond, and to reign in my self-control.” Prayer works, people. It really does. I’m in a unique position: I’m a woman and I’m black. The realities and challenges that come with those two things often speak for themselves. However, I have yet to access a go-to handbook on how to deal with different toxic workplace situations like racism, sexism, prejudices, bullying, dismissed microaggressions, and moving through hostile work environments. I’ve also noticed and experienced how the odds won’t often be in your favor and can backfire when these things are reported, which is likely why many incidents remain unreported. I’ve worked with male colleagues who have insulted me whenever I’ve called them on their unprofessionalism and disrespect. I’ve witnessed female colleagues lie, manipulate, verbally tear down other women, willingly participate in backstabbing behavior and malicious gossip, compromise their integrity, and step on others as they climbed the ladder towards titles and promotions. I’ve also seen co-workers crying and venting their frustrations in breakrooms and bathrooms after no longer being able to hold in their emotions after being harshly criticized, quickly reprimanded over trivial matters, or antagonized by a manager or fellow colleague, and more. A lot of people are going through these things on a regular basis and sadly many remain silent, which is a serious problem. I believe these are problems that can be solved, but it’ll take time. The reality is that we live in a world with all kinds of people with different personalities, who have different ways of handling and processing things, which means whether you like it or not, you’ll be working with people you may not like or get along with. So prepare and reposition yourself accordingly. Here’s how you can get started…
Check Yourself. Remember what I wrote about being black and a woman? Because I’ve been discriminated against and infantilized by different people who may not be used to working with someone who looks like me, I have to check myself and remember that on a cultural level, there are different people who still have a lot of growing to do when it comes to working with someone who’s different from them. I’m not excusing any kind of bad treatment or prejudice behavior, but is it fair to be angry with people who are ignorant about what they don’t know? That said, I also believe there should be a level of responsibility and accountability to educate one’s self on what you may or may not know about how to interact and work with those who differ from you. If you are working with someone who differs from you in sex, race, religion, politics, or sexual orientation, you need to be careful and mindful of how you interact with them. Watch your tone, treatment, choice of words, and approach.
Choose Your Battles. Sometimes, you just have to choose your battles. Everything doesn’t need a response. This is something I’ve been challenged with often. Especially when someone I’ve worked with has made a thoughtless comment, wrote bias and negative things about my work performance in a report, sent a snippy email my way, did something shady and got away with it, or whenever I’ve been micromanaged. Addressing little things and people who do things that get on your nerves can add up over time and without notice, end up draining you. You don’t want or need that. Reserve your energy and protect your peace as best as you can. Choosing your battles is easier said than done, I know, but do what you have to do to maintain your composure.
Maintain Your Boundaries. This will look different for everyone, but maintaining your boundaries is huge. This will also take time to implement. There are people I work with that I’d likely never associate with outside of a workplace setting. Not because I think they’re awful, but because I have boundaries and know that the extent of our working relationship begins and ends at work. Not outside of it. It’s also important to be careful with your social media. You don’t have to follow or friend request everyone you work with and you probably shouldn’t. We all have the right to be ourselves, but if you’re on social media posting things that could jeopardize your career or future opportunities and you work with people who follow you? Things could get complicated. Remember, social media is merely a tool. It’s not the place to let everyone know how much your boss gets on your nerves, how you can’t stand an obnoxious and inconsiderate co-worker, or how irritated you are with new company policies. When you go to work, have good days. Maintain your professionalism. Be nice and cordial with everyone you encounter and work with. Be a great observer and lifetime learner. And do your job well. I believe you can handle it. You’ve got this.