I’ll be 30 next month. And while I’m by no means a relationship expert, I do know when someone or something isn’t right for me. I believe most women know this about themselves too #womensintuition, however, a lot of women, far too many in my opinion, still don’t make the best choices when it comes to different guys they date, marry, or have a child/children with. What’s even more upsetting is the amount of smart, well-educated, kind, beautiful, and extraordinary women I know who think they have to settle, compromise who they are, or panic and just take any guy who comes along because they’re worried about getting older or ending up alone. And I get it. I was there at one point. I had a mini-tearful meltdown when I turned 25, which would later turn into different seasons of wrestling with anger, frustration, and disappointment, when I wasn’t married after doing literally evvvvvvverything I was taught and raised as a young Christian girl and woman to do to get a husband. I was bummed. But once I reconsidered that perhaps God’s will for my life is singleness, I decided to dive in and make the most of it. I’ve also realized that dating, marrying, or having a child with a guy who will complicate your life will be a weight.
And I’m not interested in carrying that kind of weight. I’d rather be alone.
When I said this to a friend of mine a few weeks ago, there was a brief awkward silence, then laughter. We’d both been swapping stories about different guys we’d casually dated or got involved with and as we talked through a number of different situations and experiences we’d dealt with or knew other women had been through, I thought, Women need to know when to cut a guy loose. Sometimes, you just have to cut him loose, sis. Consider cutting a guy loose if…
· He’s indecisive about whether or not he wants a relationship with you. I know the whole talking stage and navigating the unclear waters of situationships are common now, but if you’re looking for something more and have been upfront with him about this and still aren’t clear about where ya’ll are at? Snip snip, sis. Cut him loose.
· He wants a serious relationship, but he’s not in a position to protect, provide, and partner with you.
· He doesn’t have his own life, hobbies, interests, or friends he can chill with outside of being in a relationship.
· He’s mean.
· He’s controlling.
· He’s manipulative.
· He tries to isolate you away from your family and close friends.
· He tries to shatter your confidence and self-esteem because he’s insecure and intimidated by you.
· He disrespects, belittles, or humiliates you.
· He’s a mama’s boy who has a mom who oversteps, meddles in his business, and controls a lot of his life choices – and he allows it.
· He doesn’t keep his word.
· He ghosts on you… and comes in and out of your life whenever he wants.
· He’s abusive - verbally, physically, sexually, or emotionally.
· He doesn’t take good care of himself.
· He doesn’t have good boundaries.
· He overshares and doesn’t use common sense when it comes to keeping private things private.
· He trashes and disrespects other women.
· He behaves petty and reckless online. If you ever want to see what a guy might be like that you’re interested in, check out his social media. It’s public information.
· He’s jealous of your success.
· He’s intimidated by women who are more educated than him.
· He makes sideway comments and jokes about you making more money than him. If he’s clocking your money, beware.
· He has a child/children from a previous relationship that he doesn’t take care of or spend time with.
· He has a bad relationship with the mother of his child/children from previous relationships. This could become problematic for you if you get involved with him.
· He has a bad history with an ex that could become stressful or potentially dangerous for you if you get involved with him.
· He’s someone you can’t comfortably be yourself with.
· He’s someone you’re settling for.
· He’s lazy.
· He won’t work… and occasionally hits you up for money and/or to borrow your car.
· He’s financially irresponsible.
· He doesn’t communicate well or make an effort to improve with doing so.
If you’re a woman reading this right now, I hope it speaks to you and that you’ll share it with other women in your life. If you’re a guy reading this, I hope that what’s been shared will prompt you and different men you know to be better and do better too.