Skip to main content

Be Who You Needed


Be who you needed growing up.

A lot of people make the mistake of looking to others to do this for them.

I’ve made the same mistake at different times myself. As a child, teenager, and during different times as a young adult… 

·      I needed support, understanding, and encouragement in different areas of my life from important people in my life who were dismissive when it came to support, understanding, and encouragement. 
·      I needed to know it was okay for me to be myself and not have to follow in anyone else’s footsteps. 
·      I needed to know it was okay (and that it’s still okay) to be a young woman who prioritizes my well-being, education, career and dreams, and different experiences and opportunities, instead of choosing a life that’s only perceived as successful or approved of based on having a man and having children. Even though it’s 2019, it’s surprising that a lot of people still think that a man and children are the ultimate measure of worth for a woman to be qualified as “successful” or approved of. I just don’t get it. 
·      I needed to know it was okay to have different views outside of what I was taught growing up in church, to challenge questionable legalistic practices, and that my relationship with God is between Him and me. 
·      I needed help with different things I was struggling with instead of being reprimanded and called selfish and being told, “You’re just being emotional” and “You’re too sensitive” and “Stop taking everything so personally.” 

Then one day, something clicked.

I thought about how I could be who and what I needed, and with time, things have shifted in a more positive direction.

You can be who you needed growing up. You owe it to yourself.

One of the reasons I’m a great cheerleader and encourager for people who need it the most is because I didn’t always receive those things in different areas of my own life. Sometimes, I still don’t. And while that can be discouraging at times, I know I can decide to support myself. I can approve of myself. I believe that God approves of me too. I can choose to love myself unconditionally. I can feel whatever kind of emotions I want to feel and not be harsh or critical about myself or feel as if I’m being too emotional or selfish. I can live a life that makes sense to me, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. 

And so can you. 

Stop looking to outside sources to be who and what you need. If you have people in your life who do this for you, cool. But if not, give what you need to yourself. Be who you needed growing up. 

You’ve got this.  
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...
Read more

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...
Read more

Black Male Athletes And Their Dating Preferences

In the 2017 horror film Get Out , there’s an unforgettable scene when one of the film’s villainous characters, Rose, a young white woman, is seen eating Fruit Loops and drinking a bottle of milk through a straw as she searches the internet for “Top NCAA prospects.” This moment in the film is frightening because the purpose of Rose’s search is to ultimately lure young and unsuspecting Black men to a deadly fate after she begins dating them. If you’ve seen the film, you know how everything ultimately turns out, but if you haven’t, you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture.  Recently, college football superstar and future NFL prospect, Travis Hunter, became a source of media scrutiny and controversy regarding his relationship with his fiancée, Leanna Lenee. Much of the criticism was around his fiancée and comments she shared about how she wasn’t initially interested in Travis before they started dating. Additionally, she received backlash regarding the couple’s interact...
Read more