Skip to main content

Be Who You Needed


Be who you needed growing up.

A lot of people make the mistake of looking to others to do this for them.

I’ve made the same mistake at different times myself. As a child, teenager, and during different times as a young adult… 

·      I needed support, understanding, and encouragement in different areas of my life from important people in my life who were dismissive when it came to support, understanding, and encouragement. 
·      I needed to know it was okay for me to be myself and not have to follow in anyone else’s footsteps. 
·      I needed to know it was okay (and that it’s still okay) to be a young woman who prioritizes my well-being, education, career and dreams, and different experiences and opportunities, instead of choosing a life that’s only perceived as successful or approved of based on having a man and having children. Even though it’s 2019, it’s surprising that a lot of people still think that a man and children are the ultimate measure of worth for a woman to be qualified as “successful” or approved of. I just don’t get it. 
·      I needed to know it was okay to have different views outside of what I was taught growing up in church, to challenge questionable legalistic practices, and that my relationship with God is between Him and me. 
·      I needed help with different things I was struggling with instead of being reprimanded and called selfish and being told, “You’re just being emotional” and “You’re too sensitive” and “Stop taking everything so personally.” 

Then one day, something clicked.

I thought about how I could be who and what I needed, and with time, things have shifted in a more positive direction.

You can be who you needed growing up. You owe it to yourself.

One of the reasons I’m a great cheerleader and encourager for people who need it the most is because I didn’t always receive those things in different areas of my own life. Sometimes, I still don’t. And while that can be discouraging at times, I know I can decide to support myself. I can approve of myself. I believe that God approves of me too. I can choose to love myself unconditionally. I can feel whatever kind of emotions I want to feel and not be harsh or critical about myself or feel as if I’m being too emotional or selfish. I can live a life that makes sense to me, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. 

And so can you. 

Stop looking to outside sources to be who and what you need. If you have people in your life who do this for you, cool. But if not, give what you need to yourself. Be who you needed growing up. 

You’ve got this.  
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...
Read more

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...
Read more

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...
Read more