At first, I thought I was trippin’. “Don’t take things so personally” and “You’re just imagining things…” was what I’d been told when I spoke up about experiencing any kind of discrimination or racism. Finding my voice and sharing my truth has been scary sometimes, but with each word written and with each word spoken, I feel as if a weight is being lifted from my chest and that I can truly be me, unapologetically.
Yesterday, I met an extraordinary and unapologetically young black woman who opened up to me about her experiences with racism, body shaming, and disrespect, in some of her past places of employment. I could tell she was real. She was kind, smart, had a pleasant spirit, and kept things 100 with me in a way I could appreciate and learn from. She explained how she resigned from past workplaces and was sometimes threatened to be terminated after being mishandled and experiencing multiple accounts of racism from some of the staff where she was employed.
There was one incident where she addressed a past employer about a situation that didn’t sit well with her. “I don’t appreciate the way you spoke to me,” was what she told me she said when she was disrespected, yelled at, and threatened to be written up when she needed time off work for a family emergency. Once after having a conversation with a co-worker who accused her of doing something she didn’t do, she told me how her other colleagues felt “threatened” by her presence and told her employer they didn’t feel safe with her in the building. As these incidents were happening, she noticed how non-black employees where she worked were given better tasks and opportunities over her and the few black women who were employees as well. On another occasion, a manager suggested her “bottom was too big” and that she needed to wear clothing that didn’t fit too tightly because of her shape. That one was appalling to hear because many black women are naturally shapely, so no matter what you wear, your shape isn’t going anywhere.
She went on to share stories about how she was asked not to wear braids and other natural hairstyles in the workplace because they could come off as “unprofessional.” And then she told me that on one occasion when she tried connecting with another young black woman at work, who happened to be the only other black person in their workplace at the time, she was not embraced. I personally don’t understand black women who won’t connect with other black women in the workplace, who don’t get along, and who throw shade at each other. It’s not a good look. There’s enough room for all women to succeed.
This young woman shared that after recently connecting with God, she has chosen to forgive people who’ve done her wrong, trusting that He will fight her battles. I thought that was major because after having many experiences similar to hers, I know my journey to forgiveness was a challenging process. I was hurt, drained, and hesitant to trust others whenever my blackness was perceived as a problem.
I also thought, wow, this hasn’t just happened to me. It’s happening to black women all over the place. And it keeps happening too. I was able to confirm this, not just from my encounter with this young woman, but from others, for years, who’ve come to me in private asking for advice and encouragement about how to navigate and handle being discriminated against, told they should change their clothes or to “wear something different” to work just because they happened to be curvy or thick in areas of their body where other women who don’t look like they do are not, and to tone down who they are or have things assumed about them and what it means to be black that are often stereotypical and not true.
Some of these women are highly educated, sitting on multiple degrees, have years of work experience, and diverse sets of skills and have worked hard to access entry through the doors of different corporations and companies, but were (and are continually) denied promotions over others. On the other hand, there are black women I’ve met and known who don’t have degrees but work their day jobs and side hustles and bring in more income than some who hold a degree or multiple ones.
I’ve taken some heat for being perceived as “a bougie black” a “white-black girl” and “uppity” but what some of the people who’ve called me those things don’t understand and often overlook, is that I can 100% relate to the black experience and being discriminated against because of the color of my skin, being curvy and asked to change my clothes, addressed about how I wear and style my natural hair, being called “difficult” and/or “angry” whenever I’ve confronted someone who thought it was okay to talk down to me or infantilize me in the workplace or outside of it, and more. I’ve carried invisible weights and wounds of shame, worry, anxiety, stress, pain, and cried many tears behind some of those experiences but knew I had to pull myself together and move on. Resiliency is a powerful thing.
I love being a black woman and admire those who are unapologetically black too.
To be clear, being unapologetically black doesn’t mean you dislike other races or are promoting division. We have enough of that in this world, thanks to unprogressive thinkers and the current climate of politics and different political figures. Being unapologetically black is to fearlessly and confidently love the skin you’re in and owning who you are and where you came from, while not losing sight of where you’re going. It takes courage and confidence to be who you are, to celebrate your culture, and to stand up for yourself.
It takes practice and patience and discipline to exercise self-control when a bigot or racist says something or does something ignorant at work, or at your school, or the grocery store, your neighborhood, a church, at a restaurant, or anywhere else you might be. It takes strength to maintain your faith, composure, and innocence when someone lies on you or accuses you of something you didn’t do. Don’t be a silent or docile voice. Promote change and diversity and inclusion in areas where you see it’s needed, and don’t apologize or be afraid or ashamed of who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Unapologetically.
*Also, should you ever experience issues with racism consider reaching out to the NAACP. If it happens at your school or at your job, be sure to document each incident, take care of yourself, and reach out to people who can help you.