I’ve been on a handful of interesting first dates. Some were chill and others were sort of eh, but each experience was still an experience. Plus, someone wanting to go out with you is flattering, so the best thing to do if you’re interested in seeing what’s up is to go out on dates and just try to enjoy them. Why not? Different single women, I know or have met, especially Christian women, complain about not being asked out on dates. All of these women are incredible but just may not be being open enough or approachable when there are some chill guys out in the world who would love to spend time with them, and first dates are a good start. Every first date may not blossom into a quality match or even a relationship but again, having the experience at least prepares you for the guy you may end up with for good. Be open (without settling) to who and what’s out there, loosen up, and have a good time. Here’s my bachelorette guide to first dates:
Dress Nice. The way you dress and carry yourself speaks volumes. And making a great first impression is important, so, dress nicely when you go out on dates. Depending on where your date location will be may be a determining factor in outfit choices but show the person who asked you out as well as yourself that you care what you look like. You usually can’t go wrong with fitted jeans and a beautiful blouse or a little black dress, but make sure you’re comfortable. Also, make sure you’re well-groomed and your clothes fit well so you look good and feel good.
Relax. Being a little nervous is normal, especially if you’re heading out with someone new but try to relax as much as you can. Don’t go into things overly hype or thirsty like, “This guy could be my husband or father my children someday….” While he could, it’s highly likely he may not be, and you don’t want to scare someone off on the first date with a conversation about a future together. I’ve actually talked to guys who’ve done this to me and while I can respect someone who knows what he wants and sees a future together, I’d rather slow things down and just enjoy the date. If things go beyond a first date and a serious commitment is in the works, I know that God would confirm and bless what’s happening, things would flow naturally (without force, rushing, or manipulation) and that myself and who I’d be with would be on the same page. Ultimately, it’s just best to relax, remain present, and let things flow naturally.
Have Interesting Things To Talk About. Having interests makes you an interesting person. So, having interesting things to talk about on your date matters. Try avoiding questions about marriage (especially on the first date) and questions like, “How many people have you been with before me?” Instead try questions like: What do you do for a living? Do you enjoy it? Where have you traveled? Where do you want to travel? What sports are you into? What kind of music do you like? Why? And so forth. All the time you spend being single should be a time spent working on yourself and having already developed interests of your own and some experiences of your own, so you can have something to talk about when you start dating.
Mind Your Surroundings & Have Your Own Money. When I go out with a guy for the first time, I usually choose places or activities where there’s a lot of other people around and areas I’m familiar with. I always have my own car too. While dating can be fun, there are some people out there who don’t always have the best intentions. So be mindful of your surroundings. Aim to meet in well-populated places and avoid going back to his place (or inviting him to yours) afterward. First dates are still strangers to an extent and trust must be earned. Don’t put yourself in a position you might regret. Also, remember to have your own money handy too. In the past, I’ve had a hard time with this. Allowing a guy to pay was not an easy thing for me since I’ve always been my own woman. And I’m all for independent women paying their own way (or going dutch if there are future dates together) but if a guy doesn’t offer to pay or waits for you to pay for dates, he’s probably a scrub and you may want to cut him loose. I know this sounds harsh but if he asked you out, he needs to come correct.
Check In. I’m all about safety, so on first dates, check in with your fam and/or close friends who’ll know where you are and who you’re with. This may seem extra at first but again, it’s just a precaution. When you say yes to a first date and are open to putting yourself out there, it can be a great experience but it’s also important that you come home from your date safe and unharmed. Again, not everyone has your best interest in mind. Unfortunately, some women have been too trusting and found themselves in some sketch situations because of it. Always check in as needed.
Stay Grounded In Your Faith. This may not apply to everyone, but for young Christian women, this is something important to know. Don’t ever feel like you’re “behind” or “missing out” if you’re not dating or even interested in going on dates. Everyone’s journey is different, and you don’t have to be pressured, pushed, or feel obligated to go out if you don’t want to. Should you decide to date, stay grounded in your faith. That’s what matters. God’s will for your love life vs. going by what you think you should be doing and what everyone else is doing or wants you to do should not direct your steps. Have respect for yourself. And don’t ever feel or believe you need to compromise your beliefs, boundaries, or standards for anyone. Not for your family or your friends. And especially not for a guy. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re partnering with God and making choices about what to do, who to date/not date, and who and what to stay away from.