Bikini Insecurities

I haven’t always loved my body or sporting a bathing suit. Especially not a bikini.

I’ve had bikini insecurities. If you’re a woman and reading this, have you? If you have, please don’t leave me hanging. I know I’m not the only one…

My insecurities started right around the time I was aware of my body getting curvy, specifically in the hips and thighs area. When I was a teenager and went swimming with my cousins, I was so insecure, that I actually wore swimming trunks over my bathing suit. When my aunt saw me in the pool in the backyard and asked me why I had them on, I promptly changed the subject. By the time I got to high school, I no longer had a suit because I was still so shy and insecure about my body, hips, and thighs, that I felt it’d be best to completely avoid pools and the beach. The new friends I made in high school were really into heading to the beach. So I couldn’t keep hiding out forever. One day I broke down and told one of my close friends about my insecurities and shame. And she listened, but somehow convinced me to at least try on different bikinis for my shape and size. And eventually, my encouraging and supportive friend persuaded me to buy one.

I was 18. And still crippled by fear and shame, not only because of my perception of my body but due to my beliefs as a Christian. I couldn’t wear a bikini to the beach, right? That would be bad. Revealing. And a little scandalous. At least this was what I’d been taught and known during my journey as a young Christian woman. Unfortunately, religious folks can be harsh sometimes, and I'm glad I eventually learned that something like my choice in swimwear doesn't make me a bad Christian.

When I mustered the courage to actually wear my new suit, I was called a sinner and promptly tucked my new black bikini away for a long time… until I had a change of heart. As I got a little older, a little less insecure, and more comfortable with my body, I felt less and less shameful and insecure and started to notice other young women on the beach, of all shapes and sizes, happily out and about on the beach just having a good time. I could decide to have a good time too. I even noticed that attractive women with amazing bodies had things like cellulite and didn’t allow anything to stop them from enjoying themselves either. For a long time, I didn’t realize that a lot of the different models we all see in magazines and online with the “ideal” and “perfect” bodies are actually heavily airbrushed and filtered. Apparently, models are just as human as regular people too.

I’m still growing and learning to be kind to my body and my perception about it. I refuse to accept insecurity or hide out because of a little cellulite or extra weight. There are sooo many different suits and styles and cuts of bikinis, tankinis, and one-piece bathing suits out there for all kinds of women who should be celebrating their incredible and amazingly beautiful bodies too. Own what you’ve got. Put on whatever kind of suit you’d like. And enjoy yourself. You deserve it.

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Ditching Dating And Decentering Men

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

He’s Not Going To Marry You, Sis

About a year ago, a thirty-something-year-old revealed to me that he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend. He explained how they traveled together, how much she turned him on, and that she was a single mother. He also described her as a non-ambitious woman. While he doesn’t have kids of his own and doesn’t want to start a family until he’s married, he made it clear that his girlfriend isn’t “the one.” When I asked him if he wanted to marry her, the room fell completely silent. Her child from a previous relationship is what makes him hesitant. He went on to share that he still doesn’t know what he wants and that he’s not into having a blended family. However, he’s dating a single mother who I imagine has no idea he feels this way. One of his married friends told him, “I know you’re sleeping with this girl and hanging out with her, but if you’re not going to marry her, you need to break up with her.” I even warned him that he may end up getting got if he’s not careful… but he doesn’t thin...

Making Waves