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Bikini Insecurities

I haven’t always loved my body or sporting a bathing suit. Especially not a bikini.

I’ve had bikini insecurities. If you’re a woman and reading this, have you? If you have, please don’t leave me hanging. I know I’m not the only one… 

My insecurities started right around the time I was aware of my body getting curvy, specifically in the hips and thighs area. When I was a teenager and went swimming with my cousins, I was so insecure, that I actually wore swimming trunks over my bathing suit. When my aunt saw me in the pool in the backyard and asked me why I had them on, I promptly changed the subject. By the time I got to high school, I no longer had a suit because I was still so shy and insecure about my body, hips, and thighs, that I felt it’d be best to completely avoid pools and the beach. The new friends I made in high school were really into heading to the beach. So I couldn’t keep hiding out forever. One day I broke down and told one of my close friends about my insecurities and shame. And she listened, but somehow convinced me to at least try on different bikinis for my shape and size. And eventually, my encouraging and supportive friend persuaded me to buy one.

I was 18. And still crippled by fear and shame, not only because of my perception of my body but due to my beliefs as a Christian. I couldn’t wear a bikini to the beach, right? That would be bad. Revealing. And a little scandalous. At least this was what I’d been taught and known during my journey as a young Christian woman. Unfortunately, religious folks can be harsh sometimes, and I'm glad I eventually learned that something like my choice in swimwear doesn't make me a bad Christian. 

When I mustered the courage to actually wear my new suit, I was called a sinner and promptly tucked my new black bikini away for a long time… until I had a change of heart. As I got a little older, a little less insecure, and more comfortable with my body, I felt less and less shameful and insecure and started to notice other young women on the beach, of all shapes and sizes, happily out and about on the beach just having a good time. I could decide to have a good time too. I even noticed that attractive women with amazing bodies had things like cellulite and didn’t allow anything to stop them from enjoying themselves either. For a long time, I didn’t realize that a lot of the different models we all see in magazines and online with the “ideal” and “perfect” bodies are actually heavily airbrushed and filtered. Apparently, models are just as human as regular people too. 

I’m still growing and learning to be kind to my body and my perception about it. I refuse to accept insecurity or hide out because of a little cellulite or extra weight. There are sooo many different suits and styles and cuts of bikinis, tankinis, and one-piece bathing suits out there for all kinds of women who should be celebrating their incredible and amazingly beautiful bodies too. Own what you’ve got. Put on whatever kind of suit you’d like. And enjoy yourself. You deserve it. 

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