“I want to talk to you about something. I just want to say, be careful at work when someone says something to you or asks you to do something. You don’t want to come off like an angry black woman…” I was issued a warning. I’d already received a similar message from a colleague I once worked with who also happened to be a woman of color. It was a message black women all over the world have heard for far too long. If an issue arises, if you’re mistreated, if something happens you don’t like or understand or that doesn’t make sense or may not even be ethical, keep your mouth shut so you’re not perceived as an “angry black woman.”
Excuse me? Let’s dissect this “angry black woman” trope, shall we?
When was the last time you heard or saw the titles: Angry White Woman, Angry Hispanic Woman, Angry Asian Woman, Angry Ethnically Mixed Woman, or any other kind of race being stereotyped as angry at the level and capacity at which black women are labeled? You don’t. Because other races of women are allowed to be angry without repercussion or insult. Not many black women escape that. Because the moment any one of us objects to something we see wrong, are treated unfairly, belittled, disrespected, or not given the equal amount of opportunities or chances like the ones we see handed to others who are deemed acceptable or privileged or didn’t put in the same amount of blood, sweat, and tears as we did into something, we’re quickly persecuted, punished, excluded, or ostracized in workplaces, social gatherings, college campuses, job interviews, or any other places or platforms where others are heard and respected and given a chance. It’s upsetting but it’s real.
So, I’m not allowed to be upset or show emotion whenever I’m discriminated against, mistreated, or mishandled? Or if I learn another woman, whether Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, or mixed endures the same treatment? I can’t accept that. And I won’t. Growing up, I was called names like “White-Black Girl” and “Oreo.” I’m not mixed, I’m black, but because I made good grades in school, spoke proper English, chilled with a lot of white people, and didn’t fit what some viewed as a stereotypical black girl, I was sometimes clowned or accused of “acting white.” The people who said those things about me seemed to overlook that no matter how good my English was or how on point my grades were or how many white friends I had or no matter how much access I had to certain opportunities and experiences, that on the other side of it, there’d usually be a racist or unprogressive boy, girl, man, or woman reminding me to “stay in my place” to “do as I’m told” or to “stay low and keep quiet” when I witnessed others or someone who looked like me being mistreated.
I’ve remained silent and felt powerless and sometimes humiliated in different situations when I’ve wanted nothing more than to call out a detractor or racist or bigot who insulted me or someone else. Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of hatred and disrespect can likely attest to the repercussions of what happens if you choose to defend yourself. Today’s toxic political climate isn’t helping much but continually exposes and encourages this kind of behavior all the time. I’ve run into all kinds of women of different races and nationalities, who happened to be angry about something. It happens. And often, the anger is justified. You have a right to be angry when discriminated against. You have a right to be angry when someone disrespects or insults or belittles you. You have a right to be angry when you believe your rights have been violated. You have a right to be angry when someone hurts or harms you or someone else. And as a black woman, you have a right to be angry when oppressed, tossed aside, and forgotten. Let yourself be angry. Just don’t stay there. There are people in this world who need you to be unapologetically you so they can have the courage to do the same too.
· Fun fact: The photo used in this post is from an iconic film called Waiting to Exhale. This photo takes place in a legendary cinematic scene involving a woman named Bernadine (played by Angela Bassett) who happens to be angry during a great portion of the film – and justifiably so. If you’ve ever seen the film, you know why. But if you haven’t, check it out sometime. And pay very close attention to the things she says and does that sparks her outrage throughout the film. If you were in her shoes, would you feel the same way?