I believe most women are incredibly intuitive. Many possess the ability to instinctively know certain things without reason before they truly become known. That said, it’s amazing to me when I speak, meet, or connect with smart, successful, and bright young women who seem to be blind or get played by different guys they like, are interested in, date, or marry. I’ve talked with some who’ve been lied to, cheated on, and misled when in hindsight, there were clear signs and red flags about the kind of guys they were dealing with. I’m no man-hater or relationship expert, but as a bachelorette, I’ve learned some things. If you pay attention and listen to your intuition and instincts, you’ll be able to figure out what kind of guys you’re dealing with. Here’s my bachelorette guide to reading guys…
Deep Dive. I usually give anyone I meet for the first time the benefit of the doubt, even when I’ve been warned by others not to, but when it comes to reading guys, most of what you’d like to know can be done through some social media deep diving and using the internet to your benefit. I’ve noticed that these days many guys will either ask for your social media handle or offer up theirs. Some may actually look you up and go ahead and send follower/friend requests. Use this to your advantage. I’ve never ever gone through a guy’s phone – and don’t recommend doing so, but I’m not against women doing some homework about who they’re dating or considering getting involved with. You may feel like a snoop at first but you can find out a lot about what a guy is into, who he’s dated or been involved with, where he’s attended school, what he does for a living, what his mindset is about certain things and the kind of people he surrounds himself with if you’re able to see what he posts online. Did you know you can find out if a guy has been in trouble with the law too? That kind of information is public and can easily be viewed through a Google search. And while deep diving won’t reveal everything (as getting to know someone in-person will provide more insight) I’ve met guys who seemed great on the surface, but would often post reckless, inappropriate, and highly explicit things on different social media sites. Some of them even went as far as posting horrible things about their exes, the mother of their child/children, distasteful thoughts about women, a co-worker or boss who upset them, a job they hated, and more things that made me exercise caution, lose interest, or keep my distance. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but if you sense something troubling or get a bad feeling about someone or see something that doesn’t sit right with you, don’t be afraid to have some important conversations or to move on.
Pay Attention. I believe that most women don’t really know what kind of guy they’re dealing with until they’ve seen him upset, under pressure, and have been able to see how he handles conflicts and disappointments. Most guys may present the best side of themselves at first, without really revealing what you might be getting later. Pay. Attention. I once connected with a guy who, at the time, seemed chill. He was cute, funny, smart, and cool to be around. We really liked each other but a lingering issue that I knew would be problematic for us both was that he wasn’t a Christian. And he definitely wasn’t planning on converting. My beliefs, morals, and values about certain things conflicted with his and were too much to handle. Even though I was upset and disappointed about cutting him loose, it was good we parted ways. He’d already shown me in so many ways that he wasn’t into my lifestyle as a Christian. He was just into me as a person but failed to understand that much of my personhood is intertwined into my relationship with Christ. My faith is incredibly important to me and not something I’m willing to compromise on for a guy who’s not on the same page. This goes for Christian guys too. It’s important to be sure you’re actually compatible with who you’re involved with as well, even when you share the same beliefs. People always reveal who they really are if you will just pay attention. When it comes to a guy you’re seeing, how’s his temper when he’s angry? How’s his tone if/when you both disagree about something? How does he function when there are issues at his job or he’s not into the career he’s grinding towards? How does he behave when his money is tight? How does he handle money? How does he look at other women (especially attractive ones) when you two are together? How does he behave with his phone when you’re spending time together? Keep these questions in the back of your mind when you meet a guy who shows interest in you or strikes your interest.
Guard Your Heart. Proverbs 4:23 reads, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” A lot of young women, and even some older ones, get caught up and carried away whenever a guy compliments them, tells them what they think they want to hear and have even fallen for grand gestures, all of which are nice but don’t mean much if you’re dealing with someone sketchy or dishonest. Guard your heart. It’s fine to accept a compliment or a date or a kind gesture, but it’s equally if not more important, to be sure you’re guarding something as precious as your heart. I once met a guy who outright called me guarded when I stopped myself mid-sentence from sharing something with him that I believed I needed to keep to myself. As a woman, you should be guarded when you’re just getting to know someone. I know this may seem like a foreign thing to do in a society that promotes oversharing and announcing just about everything, however, don’t give too much of yourself away. There’s something to be said and respected about having a level of discretion and wisdom about what to share and what not to share. Take things slow. And should things progress and get serious, start having some important conversations and asking important questions too. And don’t forget to do your due diligence, pay attention, and guard your heart. You’ve got this.