He called me ugly. After he said it the word haunted me for years. My teenage crush said I was ugly, and it crushed me inside. After it was spoken, that word stuck with me and I eventually conditioned myself to accept it. If a guy didn’t like me or rejected me it was because he thought I was ugly. Case closed. Sadly, that used to be my mindset. If I could go back in time, I’d tell my teenage self how beautiful she was inside and out and how she’d eventually blossom into a swan of a woman. I’d tell her she’d be okay. And to not walk around with her head down. To avoid hiding her figure in baggy clothes because she has a booty and curves coming in -- both of which she will really appreciate when she becomes a woman. I’d encourage her to stop weighing herself on the scale so much because though she thinks she’s overweight, she's not. She’s healthy. I’d also remind her that certain guys not liking her isn’t always about something as superficial as looks, but more so because those guys aren’t right for her or deserve her. I’d also tell her that most teenage guys are silly and immature and eventually become men who don’t grow out of it. And I’d especially encourage her to up her game with her taste in guys too 😆.
Accepting my physical appearance has been an ongoing journey.
I’m not nearly as insecure as I was as a teenage girl but every now and then I’ve had my moments. If the word ugly was tough for me to shake off, can you imagine what other people who’ve been called worse go through? It’s important to choose your words wisely. The words you choose, speak, and even post can have a powerful impact in both positive or negative ways. I didn’t think I was ugly until one guy said what he said, and it messed me up for a long time. That one word was hurtful and made me very insecure. To this day, I really don’t like when anyone uses it as an insult because it’s just so mean. Some time ago, I actually ran into the guy (my former teenage crush) who called me that word and when I saw him, I was tickled and wondered, what did I ever see in that guy? Word on the street was that he had a type. And that his type were white girls. Did I mention he was black? He was one of those black guys that you didn’t see dating black girls and while I won’t assume he didn’t and doesn’t like black women, sometimes, black guys that don’t date, like, or particularly find black women attractive are very vocal and expressive about choosing non-black women as partners. It’s wild but it happens a lot. Which might explain why he thought I was ugly. Anyways, I got through it. And to my surprise, as an adult, I began noticing that almost all the guys who made fun of me or laughed about the way I looked growing up suddenly tried hitting on me and started sending me social media friend requests and messages, almost all of which I often ignore. We’re all adults now, but seriously? I’m good. I’m glad I didn’t end up with any of those guys back then and especially now. Hindsight usually reveals how abundantly blessed you are to not end up with someone you thought you liked and so badly wanted to notice you back in the day. Trust. I’ll admit that transforming into a swan has had its perks and it helps, but it isn’t everything. Being attractive may catch some attention and turn heads, however, looks fade. I get that most guys are visual but a guy who digs your spirit, your mind, and shares your values is probably worth more time than someone who just thinks you look good. Always know what’s real. I recovered from the word ugly. But recovery isn’t always easy for everyone, which is why you must choose your words wisely and watch your mouth. Aim to think before you speak and especially before you post things on social media or the internet. And if you don’t share the same feelings or are attracted to someone who’s interested in you, be kind. Don’t call them names or laugh at them. That’s mean. Every situation is different, but you can still be graceful when turning someone down. In past moments of emotion, I’ve let my feelings guide my words and choices and made mistakes that could’ve been avoided. When you’re sad, angry, frustrated, or upset, it’s important to allow yourself to feel as you’d like but do not allow those feelings to make you say, do, or post anything you may later regret. As the old saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Ephesians 4:29 reads, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Speak words of life. Don’t be reckless with your words, and again, be careful about what you’re posting. Check yourself and your motives before you think about posting anything. Why are you about to say or do something? If you can answer that, you’ll likely train yourself to be intentional about your choice of words, posts, and actions. Watch yourself, your mouth, and your words. All are incredibly powerful.