Last year I went hunting for a new church. More specifically, one that would be a great fit for me at this point in my life. I was also on the prowl for a quality Christian boyfriend in the process. Two birds, one stone, right? I desired another church since I’d been at my home church for almost 13 years. The congregation is predominately black and full of seasoned forty through fifty-something-year-old married adults with families of their own. I’m the only twentysomething that attends on a regular basis. The youth I grew up with at a church I attended when I was born, all went their separate ways, getting involved in other ministries or completely parted ways with church life for good. None of us really kept in touch, so it hit me that I’d been on my own as far as demographics were concerned. A quality Christian boyfriend wasn’t going to just stumble into my church looking for me either, so I went searching. Which in hindsight, wasn’t the best idea. The Christian dating scene can be super dry, so after handfuls of awkward and disappointing encounters I ditched waiting and searching and nestled comfortably and excitedly into the bachelorette life. Despite popular opinions and some concerns from annoying yet sometimes well-meaning fam and friends, I’ve discovered it is possible to be a single woman without a partner and still have a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. Now back to the church hunt… I ended up putting a blast on social media specifically asking if anyone knew of churches that catered to a twentysomething crowd. And perhaps had a young adult ministry too. I took people up on their suggestions. And this is what happened…
Church One: Church one was a blast. The congregation was predominantly black and full of seasoned men and mostly women, who were some of the most genuine and kindhearted people I’d ever met. As soon as I walked in, I was greeted with the warmest hugs and excited to be in the building. The worship was anointed and on point, and the word was powerful. I was especially excited to see the support of women preachers encouraging one another and the wave of the Holy Spirit throughout the visit.
Church Two: Church two was a mixed congregation and the service was held at a local hotel conference room. I was nervous because I didn’t know anyone, but there were some kind church folks who were happy to greet and introduce me to different people there. The worship was alright, and it took me a while to get into the service, but overall things were okay. When some of the older women found out I was single they seemed eager to introduce me to different guys at the church. Which was funny, awkward, and sort of embarrassing. I was also approached by a handsome guy that was probably in his late twenties or early thirties. However, he was spoken for. Before I left, another woman who knew I was visiting grabbed me to link up with some guys involved in youth ministry. “She’s single and looking to get involved with single people stuff…” was how she introduced me. Awkward. After I cleaned up what she said, I met a cool guy who seemed really nervous to talk with me, but we exchanged contact info and parted ways. We didn’t keep in touch, which was fine since I was only passing through.
Church Three: Church three was super modern. There was a mini breakfast and coffee shop right outside the church lobby, which wasn’t something I’d seen before, and as a coffee lover, was definitely something I could appreciate. The service had a lot going on – dimmed lights, a smoke machine, upbeat music and more. The pastor was young, super relatable, and delivered a practical sermon that got to the point and broke things down in teachable ways. After my visits, I still didn’t find what I was looking for. Finding a church that fits is work. These things just take time. Prayerfully, things will work out.
Also, Be Careful While Dating Christian: I was raised in church my whole life and while I’ve shelved waiting and hunting for a Christian partner, I now caution Christian singles, specifically single Christian women. Be careful out there and manage your expectations. For years, I believed being a good girl, proudly sporting a promise ring, and doing things the right way (as told and taught by different Christian leaders and teachings) meant I’d be in a committed relationship and eventually married. I did what I was supposed to, and neither happened. I was upset, hurt, frustrated, and disappointed with dating and waiting and going on more dates that went nowhere while nothing happened. I understand things take time, but I’d literally been waiting, praying, and proactive for years with disappointing results. I finally decided to shift my focus and move on. It’s okay to want those things, but don’t worship or idolize them. And be very careful who you listen to. Reconsider some of what you’ve been taught in church and in different religious-based groups. There’s a lot of mixed, dated, and dangerous messages about purity, Christian dating, and sexuality. Pray about what else God may have in mind for you, because it may be very different from what you’ve originally been taught or told to believe or want.