A lot of people wrestle with this. Especially women. And it’s complicated. And relatable. Some of us like seeing other people blessed, winning, and doing good. Some don't. Regardless, that doesn’t mean life is always right or fair for everyone. God blesses the just and the unjust. I don’t think that’s fair, but it is what it is. Watching other people get blessed, even some of the most sketch people you’ve seen or known who are unbelievably messy and have done some sketchy things getting blessed, can honestly feel like a slap in the face, followed by a painful gut punch that leaves you breathless. In fact, I’ve found it frustrating and hard to process at times. By no means am I perfect or pretend to be, as we’re all fallen, but I’ve been disappointed with God. Sad. Angry. And especially confused when at one point or another myself and a number of other women I know who’ve been committed to Him, faithful, giving, living for the Kingdom, and taking on the “good girl” roles have had the following thoughts take place in our minds or shared openly in some of our girl talks…
I want to be happy for her… but it’s not easy.
I’m upset with God and frustrated with His timing.
I did things the right way and see what I prayed for, wept for, labored for, sacrificed for, and waited patiently for continually happening for almost everyone else.
I didn’t get the help and support they got.
I thought I’d be further along than I am right now.
I get annoyed hearing, “Give it time and be patient…”
I’m disappointed.
I’m mad.
Sometimes, I feel overlooked and undervalued.
Why is it always someone else?
I deserve to be happy too.
I know smart, intelligent, humble, beautiful, and unbelievably amazing women, Christian and non-Christian, who’ve always been the bridesmaids and never the brides. They’ve remained single while different women in their lives got swept up by guys left and right. The engagement announcements and wedding photos and those annoying gender reveals continually flood their social media accounts like clockwork. Mine too. By the way, if it's too much to take in you can totally hide those kinds of updates from your social media newsfeeds or choose to keep scrolling if you’d like. And with each social media post or save-the-date or wedding announcement or baby shower invite, I could feel the disappointments and deeply empathize with women who’ve reached out to me for encouragement. These women have ranged from mid-twenty-somethings through women in their early fifties. Yes, I’ve had women old enough to be my mother come to me with this kind of stuff. Their hearts were in the right place. They were patient. Yet they felt invisible or overlooked by guys or were encouraged to settle and didn’t want to or got dumped and had their hearts broken or learned their ex got into another relationship and actually married the girl that came along after them. And with each text, phone call, coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, glass of wine, or moment of prayer, I did my best to lift up these amazing women I’ve known or encountered. I used to be just like them. Some of them are still keeping the faith and holding out for a husband or having a child, which I think is brave. I used to want to be a wife too. But I’m good. I know I still deserve to be happy and that I can choose to be happy with or without what I used to want. This year I donated my promise ring to charity, fully embraced being a bachelorette, and decided I didn’t want to get married anymore. God could flip the switch on that… or not, either way, I’ll be fine. It won’t always be easy being happy for others, but it can be done. Even when it stinks. And I assure you, there’ll be times when it freaking stinks, but if it’s God’s will for you to be in a relationship or to be a spouse or to parent a child or to do or have anything else your heart desires, it’ll happen. If not, figure out what else you can and should be doing with your time. Remember, glowing up is an equality opportunity endeavor. Live it up.