Skip to main content

I Want To Be Happy For You

A lot of people wrestle with this. Especially women. And it’s complicated. And relatable. Some of us like seeing other people blessed, winning, and doing good. Some don't. Regardless, that doesn’t mean life is always right or fair for everyone. God blesses the just and the unjust. I don’t think that’s fair, but it is what it is. Watching other people get blessed, even some of the most sketch people you’ve seen or known who are unbelievably messy and have done some sketchy things getting blessed, can honestly feel like a slap in the face, followed by a painful gut punch that leaves you breathless. In fact, I’ve found it frustrating and hard to process at times. By no means am I perfect or pretend to be, as we’re all fallen, but I’ve been disappointed with God. Sad. Angry. And especially confused when at one point or another myself and a number of other women I know who’ve been committed to Him, faithful, giving, living for the Kingdom, and taking on the “good girl” roles have had the following thoughts take place in our minds or shared openly in some of our girl talks… 
I want to be happy for her… but it’s not easy. 
I’m upset with God and frustrated with His timing. 
I did things the right way and see what I prayed for, wept for, labored for, sacrificed for, and waited patiently for continually happening for almost everyone else. 
I didn’t get the help and support they got. 
I thought I’d be further along than I am right now.
I get annoyed hearing, “Give it time and be patient…” 
I’m disappointed. 
I’m mad.
Sometimes, I feel overlooked and undervalued.   
Why is it always someone else?
I deserve to be happy too.  
I know smart, intelligent, humble, beautiful, and unbelievably amazing women, Christian and non-Christian, who’ve always been the bridesmaids and never the brides. They’ve remained single while different women in their lives got swept up by guys left and right. The engagement announcements and wedding photos and those annoying gender reveals continually flood their social media accounts like clockwork. Mine too. By the way, if it's too much to take in you can totally hide those kinds of updates from your social media newsfeeds or choose to keep scrolling if you’d like. And with each social media post or save-the-date or wedding announcement or baby shower invite, I could feel the disappointments and deeply empathize with women who’ve reached out to me for encouragement. These women have ranged from mid-twenty-somethings through women in their early fifties. Yes, I’ve had women old enough to be my mother come to me with this kind of stuff. Their hearts were in the right place. They were patient. Yet they felt invisible or overlooked by guys or were encouraged to settle and didn’t want to or got dumped and had their hearts broken or learned their ex got into another relationship and actually married the girl that came along after them. And with each text, phone call, coffee date, lunch date, dinner date, glass of wine, or moment of prayer, I did my best to lift up these amazing women I’ve known or encountered. I used to be just like them. Some of them are still keeping the faith and holding out for a husband or having a child, which I think is brave. I used to want to be a wife too. But I’m good. I know I still deserve to be happy and that I can choose to be happy with or without what I used to want. This year I donated my promise ring to charity, fully embraced being a bachelorette, and decided I didn’t want to get married anymore. God could flip the switch on that… or not, either way, I’ll be fine. It won’t always be easy being happy for others, but it can be done. Even when it stinks. And I assure you, there’ll be times when it freaking stinks, but if it’s God’s will for you to be in a relationship or to be a spouse or to parent a child or to do or have anything else your heart desires, it’ll happen. If not, figure out what else you can and should be doing with your time. Remember, glowing up is an equality opportunity endeavor. Live it up. 




Popular posts from this blog

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

How To Respond To A Nasty Email

Technology has made many people bold, rude, and incredibly messy. Often to the point where some may hide behind words they’ve typed instead of verbally communicating a message they want to convey. Such can be the case when it comes to sending emails. Ah, emails. You know what they are. Electronic messages that can be quickly drafted, sent, and misinterpreted (because you can’t always interpret tones or emotions through them). Which is why it’s key to know how to respond to nasty emails if they should ever come your way – especially in the workplace.       As a working professional, there have been plenty of times when a coworker or superior sent an email my way that was petty, mad disrespectful, and unprofessional. And before I learned how to properly utilize email etiquette, my first instinct would always be to clap back. I just felt the need to respond and to communicate that I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they were, to disrespect me. And while I haven’t taken t...