When I was in middle school, I was invited to have lunch at the black table with the cool black kids. If you’re reading this and thinking, does she mean black like “black people?” Yes. That is correct. In the 7thgrade, I learned of a designated table where a select group of my peers sat. This table was located near the back corner of our cafeteria and although I was nerdy, I asked one of my peers about this exclusive location. The peer I asked was a girl I’ll call *Tameka (*name has been changed.) Tameka casually told me who sat where and said, “You can sit over there too.” So, I did. Since I was a black girl who mostly had all white friends and grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods my whole life, I was lowkey hype. I was finally going to sit with people who looked like me, and who would hopefully understand and embrace me as I was. Little did I know that to this day, this would be a common theme that would periodically happen to me in college and even in different workplace settings. The first day at the table was everything I hoped it would be and more. Friendly smiles. Hilarious jokes. Cute guys who were full of swag... or as much swag as middle school guys thought they had. And plenty more chill memories. I even recall almost all of us wearing flight jackets back then – they were popular jackets a lot of teenagers used to wear back in the day. For a moment, I felt like I found my tribe. And we all spoke the same language. They didn’t mind me being nerdy or Christian, especially if I helped them in class with schoolwork. Things were good until one of my teachers learned of the black table and decided she was going to “segregate the neighborhood.” Those were her actual words. I kid you not. She was a late thirty-something white woman. And she was bold.
I knew what she was up to, but none of my peers did. When she took a seat at the table, everyone was perplexed and silent. One girl leaned towards me and whispered, “Why is she over here?” And my teacher responded, “I heard this was the black table, so I’m segregating the neighborhood.” We all ate silently that day. She didn’t sit there again, and things went back to normal after that. She definitely left an impression on all of us. None of my peers or myself were racists or resistant to share seats at the table with people who weren’t black. We just did what a lot of people do almost every single day… we gravitated towards who and what felt familiar to us. I don’t know if our teacher was trying to teach us a lesson but perhaps “segregating the neighborhood” is a necessary conversation we all need to be comfortable having. A lot of people are still curious, ignorant, and sometimes completely disconnected from what it’s like to be a person of color. Others are fearful and hesitant to have open and honest discussions about race, especially with the hostile and sometimes terrifying climate of our society today. Either way, none of us will get very far or learn more about one another if we continue to stay within the realms of familiarity or hatred or ignorance or fear. My seat at the table felt safe because I already knew the discomforts of being a little black girl just wanting to be accepted and trying to figure out how and where I fit in a sea of people who didn’t look like me or knew what kind of thoughts and struggles and insecurities and fears I was wrestling with. To this day, I’m finally learning I was never meant to fit and probably never will, which has made all the turmoil I’ve wrestled with sometimes, manageable. Adaptable even. I just stay focused forward. Now, I’m less concerned about what tables will accept and embrace me and more preoccupied with creating a space for all kinds of people from all walks of life to take a seat. There’s enough room for everyone.
And to any and all Making Waves readers, in this season and seasons ahead, I urge you all to segregate the divides between yourself and those different from you too. Get to know people outside of your usual circle. Chat up people outside of who and what you’ve always known. Connect with other people of different races, religions, backgrounds, and even those who have political views and beliefs that differ from yours. Respect and listen to each other, and get to know one another without being intimidated, fearful, or threatened. You’ll make some waves in the best kinds of ways. Go for it.