In the past, I’ve been guilty of choosing friends and guys who weren’t God’s best for me. I sometimes made those choices out of a spirit of fear, because I was lonely. Whenever you choose relationships or make decisions motivated by loneliness or a spirit of fear, you’re making the wrong decisions. I used to think I didn’t deserve better… or could do better. Friends and guys who were users, takers, or fakes, and often inconsistent seemed normal to me. By the way, if you allow other people to use you or continually “take” from you, whether spiritually, physically, emotionally, or resourcefully, it’s your own fault. Naturally, I’m a giver with a good heart. And sometimes that’s gotten me involved with users, takers, and incredibly needy people who were draining and unable to reciprocate what I poured out. Other times I really believed I was connected with some cool and genuine people who may have had good intentions at first, but still weren’t the best for me to be involved with. One of my biggest flaws has been allowing love to blind me. Too much heart and not enough balance of intellect and straight up common sense in relationships, along with sweeping repeated offenses and red flags under the rug can all be recipes for disaster.
Understand and know that no one and I do mean no one, is entitled to your time, presence, body, money, or anything else that belongs to God, and especially that which belongs to you. Let that sink in for a moment.
I learned I needed to be more mindful, discerning, and selective about the kind of people I allowed in my life and let access me, my time, or my resources. More importantly, I realized I can do better and deserve better too. The deserving part was hard to admit at first. In the beginning, it felt weird to admit. I feared being labeled as entitled. But I’m not. I just know I’m a good woman and that I’m worthy and deserving of the best. No one’s perfect but accepting anything or anyone less than God’s best for you isn’t fair to you or God’s will for you. So, why settle for less? I once heard that you can actually grieve the Holy Spirit when you get involved with people you’re unequally yoked with. Seasoned Christians may be familiar with this (see 2 Corinthians 6:14), but even Christians getting involved with other Christians they’re unequally yoked with can be a danger zone too. It’s naïve to assume that just because you’re a Christian surrounded by or involved with other Christians, whether through fellowship, friendship, or dating, that all parties involved are a good match for each other.
One of my favorite writers and speakers, T.D. Jakes writes, “Somewhere in the fine print of meeting, dating, and interacting with someone, they warned you ever so slightly that they were going to be a certain way…” We choose the people we’ve dated or befriended. And when we choose them, they show us who they are over time. People don’t just become users, takers, fake, inconsistent, unsupportive, dishonest, promiscuous, bad-tempered, poorly mannered, emotionally withholding, or develop habits of lateness, mishandling money, ghosting, or irresponsibility overnight. If you’ve seen or encountered these behaviors in anyone you’ve ever met, dated, or interacted with, they already showed you they were that way (or had potential to be) the whole time, even if it wasn’t obvious at first. Very rarely will the signs be obvious on sight, but they’ll gradually reveal themselves the more you interact with them. Sometimes when we meet people, we often overlook or fail to read the fine print and get hurt in the process. Which is why now more than ever, we should all do our due diligence to read the fine print with anyone we meet, give our time, or allow in our lives. My challenge to anyone reading this is to take your time with getting to know people. You can’t afford to waste your valuable time or anyone else’s. Always read the fine print.