You know how some people say they don’t have a type? That’s a lie. We all have types. Some of us are just bold enough to admit it. My type is a guy I can partner with who’s capable of protecting, providing, and leading. And most importantly he must be a Christian. Preferably a seasoned and progressive one I’m compatible with, who’s not preachy, prideful, or obnoxious. Notice my “type” isn’t based on physical appearance alone. I can always appreciate an attractive guy but obviously, looks aren’t enough. Yet I find myself in situations at the hands of some well-meaning individuals, who, while trying to be helpful have haphazardly attempted to set me up with guys who didn’t measure up, ultimately making things awkward and uncomfortable for all parties involved. Also, if someone tries to set you up with someone and continually emphasizes that the other person has a “nice personality” be careful. If you get a first and last name, you can always use the power of the internet to check out their social media or anything else that’s public information to determine if you want to meet them or not. There was one introduction I can recall where I noticed one too many red flags about one guy in particular. I wasn’t interested in him at all, but I thought I’d give him a chance anyway. I ignored the inner voices telling me, not him. We had similar interests but as I got to know him more, I noticed his immaturity. I believe he was in his mid-twenties and it definitely showed. His behavior was more boyish than manly. He was also negative, rude, unfocused, impulsive, and didn’t put much effort into his appearance. As I noticed these things I could hear the words one of my mentors once told me regarding my love life. For you, we should go older. Meaning, stick to older guys. I could tell he really liked me but the more I learned about him, the more I realized he wasn’t a good match. I would’ve been settling. I’m not seeking perfection. All I ask is that a guy has his stuff together. I’m only interested in Christian men who can be partnered with, protect, provide, and lead. Those qualities are very important and non-negotiable. Guys who are winners aren’t rare, but they can be hard to spot in a sea of losers. Signs that a guy is probably a loser and/or not a great match for you? I thought you’d never ask…
· He’s unable to protect, provide, partner with, or lead you.
· He doesn’t have healthy boundaries or respects your boundaries.
· He expects to sleep with you because he’s dating you - I know this may be a tough one to process. In the Christian world, it’s advised to save sex until marriage. There’s also the issue of what technically counts as sex. If you have to question if what you’re doing “counts” it’s probably something you shouldn’t be doing. I’m fully aware of the different “technicalities” out there and I know there are some Christians having sex and feel justified having sex outside of marriage. This is something I’ve commonly seen amongst Christians dating non-Christians, which I don’t recommend doing. You’re playing with fire and I highly advise seeking God’s will above all else. You don’t have to be pressured to do anything against your beliefs or will.
· He’s heavily infatuated or claims to “love” you after briefly meeting you for the first time or dating you for a short amount of time.
· He doesn’t have good manners.
· He’s already spoken for and flirts with or fools around with other women.
· He doesn’t value his physical appearance or proper grooming.
· He’s controlling, manipulative, and insecure.
· He doesn’t keep his word and doesn’t make time to be with you.
· He’s intimidated by successful women.
· He doesn’t know how to support you during challenges or rough seasons in your life.
· He’s overwhelmingly needy.
· He’s a cheater and has a history of cheating.
· He doesn’t offer to pay during dates.
· He’s a freeloader.
· He doesn’t know how to properly manage his finances.
· He doesn’t respect women.
· He’s a mama’s boy with an unhealthy attachment to his mother.
· He’s not smart, bright, or well-educated.
· He’s lazy and has a poor work ethic.
· He has a habit of ghosting.
· He’s unemployed and won’t look for a job.
· He’s intellectually smart but lacks common sense.
· He’s emotionally immature.
· He doesn’t know how to communicate properly.
· He hangs out with losers. And so much more…
*This list is based on some of my own experiences as well as some findings from different women I’ve spoken with.
Don’t date losers. Matter of fact, don’t even entertain them, give them your number, social media, time, or anything. Because honestly? You’d be wasting your time. Hold out for a winner. You deserve it. As an acquaintance once told me during a girls’ night out, women are the franchise players. Why not act like it?