I’m 28. Single. And sometimes, I
struggle trusting God’s timing. 28 is hardly considered old, but I’m getting to
the point where I’d like to stop wrestling with the occasional flare ups of
internal conflicts about my singleness. I’d also like to stop being questioned by
family, different friends, and acquaintances regarding my singleness too. And don’t
even get me started on the emotional storm I had to work through the moment my
younger brother got engaged and married before I did. That was rough. I wanted
to be happy for him and eventually I was, but when you’ve been in my shoes as
the Christian girl turned woman who played by the rules, honored God in mind,
body and spirit, and waited… and waited…went on a handful of dead end dates…
considered settling…and waited…and prayed… and continued to watch other people
get what you’ve been praying and sacrificing for, it can be hard rejoicing with
them. But celebrating and rejoicing the good news of others is the right thing
to do, even when you’re feeling down and discouraged. I like to believe all my
waiting and sacrificing hasn’t been in vain. Surely there has to be a
beneficial and expected end to it all. I just don’t want to settle. And I also have
high standards. I believe there’s nothing wrong with refusing to settle and having
high standards, yet there’s criticism, threats, and warnings that you’ll end up
alone if you’re not dating any and everyone in sight, taking what you can get, sleeping
around, going through a bunch of significant others in hopes of finding the one, or settling for someone who
shows interest in you, that you have no interest in, just to say you’re in a
relationship. Low standards and settling are bogus. And I’m not here
for any of it. I don’t want to end up alone, but I’d rather be single than to
be with someone I’m unsure about, not fully interested in, or be with someone
that’s going to waste my time. I’ve wasted enough time with guys who’ve “caught
feelings” but were indecisive, along with guys who were unbelievers trying to
get me to sleep with them when I clearly indicated and vocalized it wasn’t
going to happen. No ring? God’s stamp of approval? And holy matrimony? No sex.
Case closed. I’ve even met Christian guys playing those same games. Note: Christian
guys can be full of games too, ladies. You have to watch them. Be careful. I get
that no one’s perfect, but there’s something to be said about being a woman
that refuses to settle in the love department. I’ve seen and met more than enough
settlers. Almost all the guys I’ve met or the ones who’ve shown interest, weren’t
ready for serious relationships, had themselves together, were fully available,
or emotionally mature enough to be what I want and need in a significant other.
So why would I dedicate my time to someone or something that’s going to waste
my time? I can do better. I believe I’m worthy of something better than that. In
past seasons, I’d date and try to force interest in guys I didn’t really like or
force being attracted to them simply because I was tired of being single, or
out of fear that I’d end up alone, which was wrong. Making fear-based relationship
choices is a bad move, and those choices can come with high costs and
consequences. I already know what I want. I want to be in a God-ordained and God-approved
relationship with someone who knows who he is and what he wants, and where there's mutual attraction -- spiritually, physically, intellectually, and emotionally. I’ll
accept nothing less than the best. When I encounter that, I’ll know. Relationships
are expensive and I don’t think a lot of people get that, which explains all
the settlers in the world. I can’t speak on behalf of all the singles or dating
folks out there, but your time isn’t something to be careless or wasteful with.
Don’t settle. You should have high standards for yourself. Accept nothing less
than the best.
Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. I’ve been ghosted by every guy I’ve met within the past two years. About six to be exact. · The first guy pursued me and then got shady whenever I asked him about what he did for a living and where he lived. When he started dodging and avoiding questions, wouldn’t initiate dates, and slowly stopped keeping in touch with me altogether, eventually, all communication ceased. · The second guy was someone I met through a family member. He was super cool, very smart, handsome, and funny, but didn’t want to be in a relationship and acted like he didn’t want to be seen with me publicly. When we had plans to meet for an outing, he didn’t show up, and then texted me about a week later with an apology. We chilled at my place a few times, had a few phone conversations, and exchanged occasional texts, but eventually he stopped responding to me