The Heartbreaking Hookup Culture

“You should come back to my place,” he whispered in my ear while we were on the dance floor. “I’m good where I’m at,” I responded. I was 24. I was drinking but sober enough to know that going home with a stranger would be an ill-advised decision. Also, I learned my dance partner that night was already spoken for. One of his friends told me, “He’s funny and he has a girlfriend.” I wondered… if he has a girlfriend what’s he doing here... and why would he invite me back to his place? He was obviously interested in a hookup, and since I’ve never been that kind of girl, I gladly declined. During what was a very brief season of bar hopping to experience what I thought I was missing out on so badly, I was introduced to the world of partying, hooking up, and what has now been described as hook up culture. Hookup culture is a culture that encourages random sexual encounters and interactions, with no strings attached, and little to no emotional or long-term commitments. I find this culture scary, devastating, and absolutely heartbreaking. One evening I watched a documentary on Netflix titled Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution that examined this kind of culture by documenting today’s college students' on spring break. About thirty minutes into the documentary I was alarmed at the things I saw and heard. There were young college students hanging out on the beach getting drunk, sexual assaults, a ton of guys groping girls who repeatedly told the guys grabbing them to stop, guys bragging and laughing about hooking up with random girls, and even going as far as sharing their strategies of how they approach girls to get them in bed with no intent of seeing them again. There were also three memorable things I found frightening as the documentary progressed. One guy stated how he uses porn as a measure to find what he’s looking for in a woman and how there’s always someone “better looking” to aspire to, another guy actually pulled back his bed sheets to show where a girl who was allegedly a virgin, bled on his sheets after he hooked up with her, while his friends were laughing in the background. And the worst was a report about how a young woman who was passed out on the beach from drinking, was raped by multiple guys, while she was passed out. The entire assault was caught on a smart phone and no one did anything to stop what was happening. A ton of people just continued to party as the assault happened. Hookup culture has grown to become normal and acceptable, when in reality, it's dangerous. And the fact that many young people share similar sentiments that “hooking up is easier than falling in love” or that “real love is non-existent” is equally upsetting. As a Christian, I’m also aware that some Christians have been or are active participants in this culture as well, and from my short-lived experience with putting myself in that kind of world, I don’t believe it’s worth experimenting with. Turns out, I wasn’t missing a thing. I believe in abstinence, celibacy, and traditional dating. However, if someone chooses to be sexually active whether a Christian or not, being sexually smart by using proper protection and contraceptives is critical, although abstinence, celibacy, and self-control could eliminate those things – but, I say that because as someone who’s been raised Christian since age seven and never got sat down to have the sex talk, I know many believers and churches promote purity, teach teens and young adults that sex is bad, and don’t do it! All while failing to teach basic knowledge of the birds and bees, safe sex, and that sex isn’t bad, but, is part of God’s design intended to be enjoyed in marriage. I should also note, Christians shouldn't get married just to have sex, but many do... that's another story for another time, though. I also know a lot of Christians in relationships using the excuse that they’re going to marry the person they’re dating anyway, so hooking up before marrying is fine, but I think that’s a foolish risk. Because while the possibility of marrying that same person can happen, it also couldn’t. People change their minds. And from what I’ve seen, that choice usually brings heartbreak, drama, and plenty of regret. In The Mingling of Souls Matt Chandler writes, “Sex outside of marriage is deliberate disobedience of God’s commands, which are for your own good, and therefore it is a deliberate forfeiture of your own spiritual well-being, as well as your own sexual well-being. He makes a great point. I know dating has been reduced to hookups, searching for love, or perceived love, through smart phone apps and swiping for an ideal match, which has made many millennial men and women dense, lazy, and impatient in a lot of ways when it comes to dating, but I still have faith that there are good men and women out there who pursue and respect one another modestly, and wouldn’t dare put each other in compromising or dangerous positions, or expect to hook up, because they like what they see. I’ve been ridiculed by men and women with my stance on this and have been warned that I won’t meet anyone special if I’m not hooking up or looking for love online, but I disagree. Lately, I’ve been meeting some really nice and interesting guys and I didn’t have to go to a bar or use a smart phone app to do so. And I won’t be pressured by hookup culture or anyone else, to approach finding love by manipulative and worldly means. That documentary was a major wake up call and highlighted the troubling state of this culture. Now I find myself wondering, what can be done to change things?