Six Things I Learned About Death

Everyone mourns a death differently. Some people grieve immediately. Others may experience the common five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) one stage at a time or all at once, and feel like they’ll never get through the loss. It’s tough and different for everyone. When my aunt died last month I believe I was somewhere between denial and a bit of depression. I tend to retreat in private when I’m upset, but after talking with family and a close friend, I was able to open up about what I was feeling. Having a great support system helps. This loss taught me a number of things, and I hope the things I learned prompt others to think as well. Six things I learned about death?

· It’s important to be present.

· Follow through when making plans with someone. You never know if or when it’ll be the last time you’ll see that person again.

· Tomorrow is promised to no one. It’s important to appreciate and love people while you’ve still got the chance.

· Material things are false indicators of success and status. They ultimately don’t matter as much as many people think. It’s fine to have nice things, but you can’t take them with you when you die.

· I don’t have time to wait until I’m ready, wait on people, or until things are just right before doing and experiencing different things I want to do with my life. You may not have as much time as you think. You have to pick up the pace and get moving.

· I don’t have time to chase people, convince someone to remain in my life, get in other people’s business, or waste time worried about things that are none of my business or beyond my control.

Death can teach you more about life. I know it has for me.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves