Six Things I Learned About Death

Everyone mourns a death differently. Some people grieve immediately. Others may experience the common five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) one stage at a time or all at once, and feel like they’ll never get through the loss. It’s tough and different for everyone. When my aunt died last month I believe I was somewhere between denial and a bit of depression. I tend to retreat in private when I’m upset, but after talking with family and a close friend, I was able to open up about what I was feeling. Having a great support system helps. This loss taught me a number of things, and I hope the things I learned prompt others to think as well. Six things I learned about death?

· It’s important to be present.

· Follow through when making plans with someone. You never know if or when it’ll be the last time you’ll see that person again.

· Tomorrow is promised to no one. It’s important to appreciate and love people while you’ve still got the chance.

· Material things are false indicators of success and status. They ultimately don’t matter as much as many people think. It’s fine to have nice things, but you can’t take them with you when you die.

· I don’t have time to wait until I’m ready, wait on people, or until things are just right before doing and experiencing different things I want to do with my life. You may not have as much time as you think. You have to pick up the pace and get moving.

· I don’t have time to chase people, convince someone to remain in my life, get in other people’s business, or waste time worried about things that are none of my business or beyond my control.

Death can teach you more about life. I know it has for me.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

Twenty Pieces Of Advice & Wisdom For The Twenty-Something Women Of The World

Years ago, a friend of mine asked me for advice regarding a life change she was considering. She explained her situation and shared, “I wanted to talk to you because you give really good advice.” I was flattered and surprised by her statement. Mostly because while I’ve been approached by family, friends, colleagues, different students I teach, and sometimes even strangers who have asked me for advice regarding whatever it was they happened to bring my way, some haven’t always listened and then proceeded to make regretful decisions that could have been avoided if they had listened to what I shared in the first place. And lately, a group that’s heavily been on my heart and mind are women in their twenties. I’m only 33 but I remember what it was like for my friends and me moving through our twenties. It wasn’t the easiest decade to navigate, and it certainly had its ups and downs, but armed with the experiences, advice, and wisdom I have now, there are definitely things I believe we ...

Making Waves