In the popular 90s series Sex and the City there was an episode
titled Bay of Married Pigs in which Carrie Bradshaw and her close friends, Samantha,
Charlotte, and Miranda were discussing the dynamics between singles vs. couples.
The conversation went like this:
Charlotte: I hate it when you’re the only single person at a dinner party and they
look at you like you’re a…
Carrie: Loser.
Miranda: Leper.
Samantha: Whore. Face it ladies, if
you’re still single, you are not to be trusted.
I recalled this particular
episode after experiencing a similar encounter. As a single woman, some
encounters I’ve experienced came from guys that have been spoken for, along
with icy glares from their significant others. What’s made me feel odd is the
fact that I could ever make someone feel that uncomfortable. I respect other
people’s relationships and if I know that a guy is already spoken for
(girlfriend, fiancée, wife) I’m friendly, but mindful to keep my distance. I
mean this in the most humble and non-narcissistic way, but I already know I’m an attractive woman, which
means people will stare. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with finding
someone attractive so as long as you’re not crossing any boundaries. In Matt
Chandler’s The Mingling of Souls he
writes, “There is nothing wrong with this process of being physically attracted
to someone. It’s completely natural.” However, I don’t appreciate myself or other
single women who’ve been in similar situations being treated like the plague
because we’re both attractive and single. From my personal experiences, I
can always tell when guys that are spoken for feel bad or guilty about this because
they usually do one of the following:
·
Act
very indifferent.
·
Obnoxious
avoidance.
·
Are
over the top in conversations about their girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
·
Publicly
announce how they won’t strike up conversations or engage with other women out
of respect for their significant other.
As a single woman, I know my
place. And I know there are attractive men and women all over the world whom
are single or already spoken for. I wouldn’t dare put myself or someone else in
a compromising situation, but my stance on attraction is that it isn’t a bad
thing or anything to feel guilty about. If someone treats me badly or tries to
shame me for being single and attractive, quite frankly, that’s their problem, and
I won’t make it mine. Surely us singles and couples can respectfully coexist,
can’t we?
And on a final note -- Since
us singles and couples must coexist together, I have some words I’d like to
share with many of you couples when it comes to some of us who are single.
First, we don’t need your pity, sympathy, and shameful, aw, why are you still single, questions, looks, suggestions, and
set ups with people we’d likely have zero interest in. Unless we volunteer
information to you or request your suggestions or opinions, please keep them to
yourself. Second, how we spend, save, and budget our money is none of your
business. I’ve personally been shamed by some married people who’ve rudely
called me selfish and tried to make me feel bad or guilty for the luxuries I’m
able to experience and afford that they aren’t able to, because they have a
significant other and/or children, which I imagine are expensive once one’s
lifestyle changes, however, the same way singles shouldn’t concern themselves
with how couples spend their money, is the same way couples should stay in
their lane about how single people spend theirs. And finally, the same way many
of you couples are celebrated for getting a ring, having a wedding, and/or
having a baby, respect the fact that us singles have the right to celebrate ourselves, too, and that our accomplishments and successes in life are just as
worthy of celebration. Thank you.