Microphone Check

I stood up to you and you tried to destroy me. When I stand up for myself and for others afraid to speak, I’m viewed as a threat that must be silenced and destroyed, right? Wrong. I was scared, but I spoke up anyway. Taking the high road isn’t always easy when it comes to people like you. I know you tried to poison my name to others, and eventually those others learned the things you said about me weren’t true. Trying to destroy me was never going to make you more powerful. It only magnified that you were wrong about me all along. But I forgive you. When I tried to get help, I felt outnumbered. That was lonely, massively painful, and scary. Know what happens when people are scared of people like you? They stay silent. What's troubling is that often, when things like this happen, many people will watch you get attacked and say nothing. I forgive them, though. And I still forgive you. For awhile I thought something was wrong with me because you thought I didn’t belong when really you were the one with the problem. People like you… people like you… people like you are the reason why people stay away from churches and avoid the Christian community all together. I’ve seen people crying in secret and heard the stories people are afraid to bring forward. It’s incredible how horrible things can happen in beautiful places. I still forgive you, though.

But it wasn’t just you…

To the one who criticized my clothing

To the one who publically humiliated me

To the one who looked me in the face and pretended I wasn’t there

To the one who got jealous and stopped talking to me when the guy choose me, instead of her

To the one I was supposed to build with that never followed through

To the one who looked down on me

To the ones who were supposed to be my friends

To the ones I thought were my friends

To the people in places I went to for sanctuary that were scarring

And to all the ones who think and claim I embarrass the Kingdom… I forgive you all.

I don’t want an apology and I don’t need one. I’ve made my peace. I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else. I don’t have anything to prove to you or anyone else. I never did. I still have value. And most importantly, I know who I am. I won’t let people like you steal my joy, kill my spirit, or make me believe there still isn’t goodness in this fallen world. There’s enough room for all kinds of people to sit at the table, even when people like you don’t think so. I stayed quiet, held back, and was afraid to breathe a word about this. But I know my God and I don’t have to choose fear. I choose freedom.

-You didn’t ruin me.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves