Wearing masks has become a new
normal. Turns out, many people are scared to be themselves. Lots of people are
afraid to be seen for who they are. I know I’ve been. My fear was rooted in
loneliness and being misunderstood. I used to have the desire to be accepted
and to impress others, until I learned their opinions and perceptions of me never
mattered anyway. They still don't. More importantly, I learned that everyone is not supposed
to get or understand who you are. People
hide parts of themselves out of fear that others won’t really like them if they
own the true version of who they are. I know this because at one point, I did
some silly things to try to fit in until I felt suffocated, got tired of
shrinking, hiding, and running from who I am. I felt pressure from others and was encouraged to be something I'm not, and to do and want things, I was unsure were good fits for me in the first place. There have been times I’ve felt
weird being me. On numerous occasions I’ve been questioned, shunned, and feel
utterly invisible and left out. It’s been this way since I was a kid, and I’m
growing to be okay with being myself, even when I feel that way sometimes. Because
I’ve grown to understand that I was never meant to fit. God has set me apart,
and to be set apart is incredible, because what it means is that what God will
do (and has already been doing) in my life will far surpass anything normal or what everyone else in my life has
already seen, experienced, and done. I’m being set apart for massive things, a
number of which I’m already beginning to experience. And to finally know that
all the years of feeling odd, different, and having desires unlike anyone else has all been preparation for something
better, is exciting! Being true to who you are is powerful. It takes tremendous
amounts of courage to stay true to yourself and what you represent, no matter
what anyone says or thinks. Be authentic to who you are at your core. If some
people can’t handle you at your truest self, then they’re probably not people
you need to be bothered with in the first place. I wonder how different things
would be if people decided to honor their true self? There are people who do
this every day, then, there are the fakes and frauds that stunt about who and
what they are, to get approval from people who don’t pay their bills or have a
heaven or hell to put them in. That’s a waste of time. Be yourself. Why be
anything less?
About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...