I didn’t go on my first date
until I was 21. Compared to my very experienced friends, I was the late bloomer
in the group. The date was actually embarrassing and funny. I’m glad I can
laugh about it now, but in retrospect, I had no business going out with the guy in the first place.
I was an eager, low self-esteem,
twenty-something who didn’t think I could do any better. I accepted a date with
a guy who wasn’t worth my time, energy, interest or tears. At 21 I was very naïve. I suspect this guy probably
knew that, which is why things didn’t go beyond date one. I believe he was
three years older than me, very cool, cute and seemed like he had himself
together. He was in the military, in school and seemed to be heading on a
steady path. He was also a package deal - he was a father with a little girl.
That normally would’ve been a deal breaker for me. When my family and close
friends found out about this, they didn’t approve, but I was game.
Also know - If your family and close
friends don’t approve of someone you’re interested in, whether the relationship
be fresh or serious, and a significant number of your loved ones all voice similar warning signs and opinions about the person you’re interested in, reevaluate what
you’re doing. There may be truth to their concerns and warnings, and everyone else
may be recognizing obvious red flags about the person, that you’re blind to. Especially if you've already caught feelings.
My family and friends agreed I
was too good for him (although I always thought I was the one who didn’t measure up.) At the time I wasn’t doing
anything super productive with myself (at least that’s what I thought…) I was in
and out of school at the time and working a part-time job I loathed, so a guy
coming along who liked me enough to want to spend time with me seemed great. So
many of my other friends at the time were already in steady relationships with
their boyfriends or were getting engaged and married, so my desire to be part
of the “club” was intensifying. Around that time I also thought, the school thing isn’t working out like I
hoped, so I could always get married. He’s the best I can do, so I’ll stick
this out. That was my former naïve Christian-girl-thirsty-to-get-married
voice talking. I’m happy to report that version of myself has since deceased.
Praise the Lord.
Our date was very awkward and
quiet. We met in a popular place in the city I’m from and the date went like
this…
*Long drawn out silence and
staring into the street
Me: So, how’s it going? What you been up to?
Him: Working. What you been up to?
Me: School. Work. Nothing much.
*More awkward drawn out silence
Him: Cool.
Me: So, when you said we’d get together before, you never followed up. I’d
had other guys ask me out but I didn’t go out with them because I thought we
we’re talking. (We’d mostly been texting and communicating through social
media prior to our date.)
Him: We’ll you should have went out with them then.
*Silence
Me: Okaaaay. Do you have a girlfriend?
Him: *Shakes head motioning no
(although later I’d discover after thorough social media snooping he’d had a
girlfriend all along. See what I mean about how naïve I was?) I’ve been working a lot and trying to spend
time with my daughter.
Me: Cool, that’s cool. How’s work going?
Him: It’s work.
*Silence
Him: Well, it’s getting late. We’d better head out.
Me: Yeah, it’s getting pretty cold out.
*Date ends with awkward hug and him
pulling away very quickly. (I’m a hugger and I love hugging people… so I may
have hugged too tightly, which might explain why he backed up real fast. How
embarrassing.)
Me after date: Text all my
friends, gush about how excited I was over first date, text guy, had a nice time. Look forward to seeing you
again.
His response via text: Same to you. Enjoyed myself as well.
Literally months went by and I
heard nothing from this guy. I was eager. I started texting him more than once
a day (just in case he didn’t get my first message. See that thirsty behavior?)
And he’d text back days later or occasionally on and off again. He eventually
ghosted and I learned (again after some thorough social media snooping, he was spoken
for… and had been from the time we met.) Who was I kidding? Surely I was never
going to be with this guy long term, and I’m abundantly grateful things never
got serious.
I was young, dumb and very thirsty. After all, we only had one date, shared a handful of text messages and flirts. It was actually
sad I ever thought so little of myself, stooped so low and didn’t think I could
do better. I’m glad that chapter was brief. Did I mention the dates I went on
with other guys after him did get better? (Actually, I’m embellishing. The
dates afterwards only got slightly
better. The dating game has changed and it can get rough out there haha.) I
suppose these things happen to the best of us, though. My point in all this,
is, don’t be thirsty. It won’t get you very far in the dating world.