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God, I Don’t Like This… But I Trust You

If I can describe what this year has been like for me, one sentence comes to mind - God, I Don’t Like This… But I Trust You.

It’s been a year of accomplished goals and big dreams. I’ve been fortunate and excited to see amazing things come into fruition and anticipate much more with the arrival of a new year. I also took some losses that were personally painful, and I had to let go of some things and people I had challenges parting ways with. There were also times I considered parting ways with the “church” for good, running away, giving up, quitting, cussing some people out, flipping stuff over, and going to a secluded location to have a good scream, simply to vent the frustration of things I’d been keeping bottled up throughout the year. Surely doing those things wouldn’t have “fixed” me, though.

At that very least they would’ve given me a temporary satisfaction and a fleeting high, but ultimately they wouldn’t ease the pain of some open wounds in need of healing. But as this year comes to an end, I’ve learned to pray harder, surrender more, and trust God with everything, even the challenges, people, and things I don’t like. In this life, there will be times when you have challenges and losses that will be upsetting, and I believe being upfront with God about how you feel and trusting Him completely, will take you to another level in your walk and faith. I’m very vocal when I go to God and often encourage others to do the same when they’re disappointed, hurt, frustrated, and/or having a hard time. Whether things are good or bad, it’s just best to seek Him out. He already knows how you feel and what you’re going through.

Awhile back I sensed in my spirit that before this year would be out, there‘d be tremendous shifts – and there have been. And I have radical faith that 2018 will bring a lot of answers, opportunities, and extraordinary blessings. I still trust and believe in God, and maintain that all will continually be revealed. The good things that happened this year have far outweighed the bad. And I give God all the glory. 

Sneak Peak: Unconventional Believer
This year something wild happened to me. I actually contemplated walking away from the church life. As a woman who fell in love with Christ at age seven, it was odd to consider such a choice. I wondered, is this even worth it anymore? After locking horns and battling other Christians who weren’t behaving very Christian-like, and additionally witnessing some questionable trends, and experiencing having some other so-called believers throwing shade over the internet and in person (I see ya’ll – in case you thought I didn’t. And I forgive every one of you and want to thank you for the criticism, judgment, hurt, pain, pulling back, and all the inspiration for my new book. I’m going to help a lot of people and change lives with what you’ve done and what you do. I’m keeping ya’ll covered in prayer, too. We all need it.) I’m excited about a project in the works titled, Unconventional Believer. Unconventional Believer will be a book of essays and thoughts from my perspective as a twenty-something Christian, and my experiences thus far in the church and with other believers. I’m going in and talking about legalism and cult-like practices, culture, sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, being scorned in the house of God, and answering the question of will that send me to hell? And additionally, detailing my journey towards freedom and healing. I believe it’s going to be one of my best works yet, and I can’t wait to share it. God is good.  
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