Before You Say “I Do”

I’ve had the great fortune to peek into the lives and actually speak with a number of married, separated, and divorced folks who’ve been able to give me tremendous amounts of insight into their lives. I’ve obtained valuable information from them all. I don’t pass up opportunities to glean from their lives, because I’ve learned things I would’ve never thought about in the first place. Below are some of my findings and advice I’ve received from different men and women (older and younger) who’ve openly shared their experiences with marriage, separations, and divorce. Check it out…

From the married folks…

Don’t make permanent financial decisions and purchases based on someone else’s income (always be in a position to take care of yourself no matter what.)

Get pre-marital counseling.

Live a whole, full life on your own before committing to anyone long term.

Take your time and don’t rush into marriage.

Relationships are hard work.

If you see something that’s not right about the person at the beginning, don’t marry them.

From the separated and divorced folks…

Don’t do it. “It” being marriage.

Stay independent.

While you’re in your twenties, make sure you’re putting yourself first.

If the relationship is already in trouble, getting married or having kids won’t make things better, it’s just going to cause more problems.

Save marriage for way down the line. Like, way later in life.

Keep your friends and family out of your business. (In regards to issues with the relationship)

Take your time and don’t be in a hurry to get married.

A wedding is just one day and a few hours of your life. Take your time. In a marriage everybody will try to have a say about your life and what you should be doing, and how to raise your kids and etc. So, take your time.

Don’t wait until after the wedding to discover how you both view life and the world.

If you see something that’s not right, or have hesitation, don’t marry them.

When I learned these different things, I found them very eye-opening and insightful. I hope anyone reading is able to benefit from them as well. I know I have.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

Dear Young Black Professionals

As you embark on your career, I want you to know some things and stay woke about what you’ll be up against. Please understand that no matter what, you have value, and you matter. Always remember that. As progressive as this world and different workplaces may seem, every workplace has a culture. You’ll be in different places where a lot of people who don’t look like you will be in the room. But know that you belong in those rooms too. Spend some time observing and studying those spaces and learn as much as you can. There will be people you work with who will make presumptions about your competence, education, and ability to fulfill your job duties. There will be more who will think less of you because of the color of your skin and try to disqualify you the moment you make an error, mistake, or ask questions about things you may not understand. This will all feel uncomfortable and you may get insecure, feel like you’re all by yourself, and think you don’t belong there, but ride it out...

Making Waves