I used to be an ugly duckling. I
found an old 8th grade photo of myself and said, “Man, I was such a
freaking loser.” My mother got real upset about this. She said, “Your dad and I
always thought you were beautiful.” And my father replied, “You were never a
loser, pal.” I thought they had to
say those things because they’re my parents. But truthfully, from elementary
school through my junior year of high school, I never thought I was an
attractive young woman. I felt utterly invisible and unpretty growing up. For a
long time I thought I was ugly. When I saw how my friends would get approached
and asked out on dates, while I remained dateless and ignored, not to mention
the insecurities I struggled with, having been one of the very few black
girls in predominantly white neighborhoods and schools (and even through
college) I thought, maybe that guy was
right. I’m ugly.
That guy was an old crush I’d had in middle school. When he found out I
liked him, he laughed and said, she’s
ugly. When he said that, it stuck like glue – for years. Things got so bad that
even when someone referred to me as beautiful
or a guy showed interest, I thought the compliments were a cruel joke or
that someone was just trying to be nice.
Then, one day, it just kind of
happened. I stopped thinking so little of myself and started to see myself
differently. Acceptance was kicking in. I started telling myself, I am beautiful inside and out. Then other
people started take notice, then all kinds of guys started taking notice (which
still takes me by surprise) and then I realized, maybe I am beautiful.
I’m a big champion for young
women, anyone really, that doesn’t feel attractive. I especially have a heart
for people that feel invisible. I like to make them feel seen, because for so
long and even still, I know what it feels like to be treated invisible, to feel
like you don’t measure up, and feel like you’re not good enough. It’s a terrible
feeling. If you’ve ever struggled with any of these things, I get it. I really
do. You won’t be invisible forever, though. You’ll realize how great you are and
others will too. And before you know it, you’ll see you were a swan the whole
time.