The transition from college to
the real world is no joke. I’m not a fan of process or transition, but both are
common themes in life. When I was edging towards the end of my senior year of
undergrad I was going through a wave of emotions. I had a lot on my mind: graduation,
trying to land a great career opportunity, maintaining some relationships that
were built, and trying to figure out, what’s next? Looking back I was sacred as
hell and doing a crappy job of hiding it. I did reckless things like vent on
social media and isolate myself away from people, when I probably should have stayed
off of social media and spent more time with others, instead of being alone. And more importantly, I should’ve been
spending even more time with God. During this time, I was once asked if I was
freaking out about finishing school. I had confidently said, “No.” But who was
I kidding? I was definitely unsettled out about what was ahead. I’d been going
on job interviews and taking meetings since January and had some offers on the
table, but, not offers I believed were best.
So, when May came I really
started to panic. I was panicking when I should have been celebrating what had
been a very long and challenging
journey to finish school. It was obvious that Matthew 6:27 (Who of you by
worrying can add a single hour to his life?) had temporarily left my memory. About
a week before graduation I had a photo shoot scheduled, and I was stressed. When
I went to pick up my cap and gown I was stressed, and the same week as my
actual graduation, I’d received a phone call saying I didn’t get a job I just
knew I was a shoe in for. Instead of celebrating what would be a joyful
occasion, I glued myself to my laptop, tweaking my résumé and cover letters,
and chose to be stressed. My mother
was excited about some graduation announcements she had made, and found me
tucked away with my stress. As she was smiling and filled with excitement, I
was down in the dumps. “What’s wrong?” She asked when she saw how disappointed
I looked. “I didn’t get the job,” I replied. Then I started crying. Those
freaking wave of emotions were all over the place. “Girl, you got the hard part
over with. You finished school. I was never worried about you getting a job. I
already know that’s going to happen.
You have to know that too,” she said. It’s cool how moms can talk sense into
you whenever you’re trippin’. My mom was right. School was the hard part that
was done, and it was time to celebrate. Honestly, those last few weeks before
graduation I was a hot mess. Worrying is unproductive. All the uncertainty I
was stressed about was pointless. Throughout the summer I would continue to hit
even bigger emotional waves.
Mid-summer was hard. There were lots
of tears, frustration, and plenty of disappointment. Now that I think about it,
I might have been depressed and actually functioning like nothing was wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy some
of the summer. I went to the beach, movies, shopping, and chilled with different
friends, but after awhile, I was ready for some changes. Although transition
can be uncomfortable, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time worried about what
wasn’t happening yet, and handled things better than I did. If I could get a
do-over, I would’ve definitely handled things much differently. I would’ve told
myself, “You do know that everything will be okay, right?”