Screening Process

I’ve repeatedly made the mistake of choosing the wrong friends, wrong guys, and moving too fast with both. My mother once told me, “Don’t give people all your goods before you get to know them.” She’s one of the wisest and most street smart women I know, and she’s right. I’ve often given people the benefit of the doubt upon first impressions, a few times hanging out, and even after a couple of dates, without ever questioning the following:

Why is this person interested in me?

What does this person want from me?

Why does this person want to spend time with me?

I believe every person that enters your life, especially in regards to friendships or significant others should go through a screening process. Perhaps doing so would let people know that loyal friends and worthy suitors come with a high price. They’re both very expensive. I’ve had enough lousy encounters and wounds to know the costs that come with being quick to embrace someone without questioning the three questions listed above. First, you must master the skill of discernment and figure out if someone’s motives for wanting to be linked to you are good or bad. Once that’s handled, it’s still wise to keep people at bay until they’ve proven they can be trusted. I’ve hit and miss with this, however, if and when I see something that’s not right, I’ll pull back.

Proverbs 20:6 reads, “Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is really faithful?”

Think about that. I’ve met handfuls of people who’ve identified me as a friend and I thought we were friends, too, until things started happening that proved otherwise. These days, people have even reduced something as valuable as friendship to something as shallow as social media followers and mistaken those internet friends as real life friends. Scary. That’s a quick way to play yourself. Even when it comes to dating, I try to keep things as low key as possible. If I’m seeing someone, I feel no need to post a million selfies or status updates to the world about how happy we are. At the end of the day, it’s no one else’s business. I believe in having loyal friends and worthy suitors. I only have time and space for relationships that are meaningful and add value to my life. Not relationships that are inconsistent, draining, or a waste of time. Having a great screening process changes the entire approach.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...

How To Respond To A Nasty Email

Technology has made many people bold, rude, and incredibly messy. Often to the point where some may hide behind words they’ve typed instead of verbally communicating a message they want to convey. Such can be the case when it comes to sending emails. Ah, emails. You know what they are. Electronic messages that can be quickly drafted, sent, and misinterpreted (because you can’t always interpret tones or emotions through them). Which is why it’s key to know how to respond to nasty emails if they should ever come your way – especially in the workplace. As a working professional, there have been plenty of times when a coworker or superior sent an email my way that was petty, mad disrespectful, and unprofessional. And before I learned how to properly utilize email etiquette, my first instinct would always be to clap back. I just felt the need to respond and to communicate that I wouldn’t allow anyone, no matter who they were, to disrespect me. And while I haven’t taken t...

Making Waves