I’ve repeatedly made the mistake
of choosing the wrong friends, wrong guys, and moving too fast with both. My
mother once told me, “Don’t give people all your goods before you get to know
them.” She’s one of the wisest and most street smart women I know, and she’s right.
I’ve often given people the benefit of the doubt upon first impressions, a few
times hanging out, and even after a couple of dates, without ever questioning
the following:
Why is this person interested in
me?
What does this person want from
me?
Why does this person want to
spend time with me?
I believe every person that
enters your life, especially in regards to friendships or significant others
should go through a screening process. Perhaps doing so would let people know
that loyal friends and worthy suitors come with a high price. They’re both very
expensive. I’ve had enough lousy encounters and wounds to know the costs that
come with being quick to embrace someone without questioning the three
questions listed above. First, you must master the skill of discernment and figure
out if someone’s motives for wanting to be linked to you are good or bad. Once
that’s handled, it’s still wise to keep people at bay until they’ve proven they
can be trusted. I’ve hit and miss with this, however, if and when I see
something that’s not right, I’ll pull back.
Proverbs 20:6 reads, “Many will
say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is really faithful?”
Think about that. I’ve met
handfuls of people who’ve identified me as a friend and I thought we were friends,
too, until things started happening that proved otherwise. These days, people
have even reduced something as valuable as friendship to something as shallow
as social media followers and mistaken those internet friends as real life
friends. Scary. That’s a quick way to play yourself. Even when it comes to
dating, I try to keep things as low key as possible. If I’m seeing someone, I
feel no need to post a million selfies or status updates to the world about how
happy we are. At the end of the day, it’s no one else’s business. I believe in
having loyal friends and worthy suitors. I only have time and space for
relationships that are meaningful and add value to my life. Not relationships
that are inconsistent, draining, or a waste of time. Having a great screening
process changes the entire approach.