Screening Process

I’ve repeatedly made the mistake of choosing the wrong friends, wrong guys, and moving too fast with both. My mother once told me, “Don’t give people all your goods before you get to know them.” She’s one of the wisest and most street smart women I know, and she’s right. I’ve often given people the benefit of the doubt upon first impressions, a few times hanging out, and even after a couple of dates, without ever questioning the following:

Why is this person interested in me?

What does this person want from me?

Why does this person want to spend time with me?

I believe every person that enters your life, especially in regards to friendships or significant others should go through a screening process. Perhaps doing so would let people know that loyal friends and worthy suitors come with a high price. They’re both very expensive. I’ve had enough lousy encounters and wounds to know the costs that come with being quick to embrace someone without questioning the three questions listed above. First, you must master the skill of discernment and figure out if someone’s motives for wanting to be linked to you are good or bad. Once that’s handled, it’s still wise to keep people at bay until they’ve proven they can be trusted. I’ve hit and miss with this, however, if and when I see something that’s not right, I’ll pull back.

Proverbs 20:6 reads, “Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is really faithful?”

Think about that. I’ve met handfuls of people who’ve identified me as a friend and I thought we were friends, too, until things started happening that proved otherwise. These days, people have even reduced something as valuable as friendship to something as shallow as social media followers and mistaken those internet friends as real life friends. Scary. That’s a quick way to play yourself. Even when it comes to dating, I try to keep things as low key as possible. If I’m seeing someone, I feel no need to post a million selfies or status updates to the world about how happy we are. At the end of the day, it’s no one else’s business. I believe in having loyal friends and worthy suitors. I only have time and space for relationships that are meaningful and add value to my life. Not relationships that are inconsistent, draining, or a waste of time. Having a great screening process changes the entire approach.

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves