Skip to main content

Reflection

An old journal entry from 12/27/16

I don’t want to…
Suffocate in sameness.
Waste time wandering.
Settle in any area of my life (career, love, experiences, and opportunities)
Make compromises that hinder my blessings/walk with God.

I do want to…
Live a whole, full life as a single woman before ever settling down.
Travel/see more of the world.
Fulfill my God-given purpose and destiny.
Be in a position to help others.
Break painful cycles/habits in my family.
Inspire the next generation of believers.

This year I made a choice to work on becoming a better me. Overall, it’s been a challenging year, yet, impressive and transformative. At the end of 2016 I wrote out a list of different things I wanted to accomplish, and I’m happy to report that with the exception of a handful of things, I’ve been able to cross almost everything off the list. One evening I went through some of my old journals, and noticed something cool when I read through what 2016-2017 was like. I couldn’t believe how much I changed and experienced growth. I was dealing with some personal family issues, strains on some relationships that had ran their course, and worried about how things were going to turn out. After reading some old entries, I could see how the enemy was strategically plotting to ruin me, and how God was using different situations to draw out the best in me. It wasn’t and still isn’t easy, but I’m blessed to share that I’ve been able to restore some relationships with different family members, confront other family members about their destructive behaviors, and made a decision for myself, to break the bad family patterns that have carried on for far too long. I also let go of some friendships that had either ran their course and/or weren’t solid to begin with, while still being able to restore a few. I also managed to finally graduate from college and land a full-time position, in which I’m able to maximize a number of my God-given gifts and listen, help, serve, and encourage others in rewarding ways. This year, I also questioned my Christianity and what it means to be a real Christian, after going head to head with some sketchy saved folks, all while taking a spiritual beat down that broke my heart in places I didn’t think could hurt, but, after some communication, forgiveness, prayer, and healing, I’ve been able to rebuild just fine. The year is not over yet, and with just a few months left, it’ll be interesting to see how things end.

Sometimes, it takes a look back to see how far you’ve come.



Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...
Read more

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space.  I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...
Read more

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...
Read more