One of my former friends used to
sell sex toys as a side hustle. She’d been inviting me to attend different pleasure
parties she’d been hosting, and I continually declined. The idea of being in a
room with other women discussing sex and sex toys made me feel uncomfortable. After dodging her endless
requests for me to attend, I finally explained to her, I just don’t feel comfortable going to something like that. To be
honest, I felt ashamed, like I was doing something wrong. My friend listened to
me and explained that other women were declining as well because they were
embarrassed about attending. She assured me that it'd just be a good time
and a fun ladies night. I put my reservations aside and went, and
to my surprise, it wasn’t nearly as awkward as I imagined it’d be.
There were other young women
there, and while we were all visibly nervous at first, each of us ended up
sharing glasses of wine, laughs, funny stories about bad dates we’d been on,
and being open to discussing and exploring new things. I later found out that
other young women I’d met in my personal and even professional life, had once
attended these kinds of gatherings, and I soon realized my discomfort wasn’t
anything to be ashamed of. I was scared of something like a pleasure party,
when in reality, I was in a safe space in the presence of other women who were
open about exploring their sexuality. I can pinpoint exactly why I was so
uptight, and it was rooted in my upbringing. I was raised Christian and
discussing sex basically went like this: Save
yourself for marriage and don’t have sex until you’re married.
That stance was drilled into my mind at
a very young age, so attending a pleasure party seemed out of the question. I’m
still a Christian and I do honor God’s way of doing things, however, I believe
having the experience I did was good for me, because I was able to recognize
that being a woman that explores her sexuality is not a bad thing, and
certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. By the end of the party, I like to
think all of us women in attendance, from all different races and backgrounds,
walked away feeling free and more comfortable in a way we hadn’t, prior to
arriving. I understand that this is a conversation that can still be
uncomfortable for some women, but, it’s a conversation worth having.