There’s a saying that goes, “Once
you go black, you never go back” referencing those outside of the African-
American race having a preference for being intimately involved with
African-American men and women. Honestly, I don’t like the saying. While I have
no issues with interracial relationships, I find non African-Americans who are
too extra about their preference for being attracted and/or romantically linked
to us – annoying. Since when did being with someone black become trendy? The
first time I noticed this was during a seemingly innocent interaction. I was
out on the town with a friend, and a guy took notice of me. He was obviously
shy, because he sent his friend over to be his wing man. To give you more of a
visual, both of these guys were white. When the guy that was too scared to talk
to me sent his friend over, my friend and I brushed them off. We all ended up
running into each other again, only this time around the shy guy’s sister
approached me. She asked me if I was married, to which I replied, “no” and then
she said, “My brother’s had his eyes on you the whole night. He loooooves black
women!” I could see she had been drinking, so I didn’t think much of it, but I
decided to be open and give her brother a chance. He was cute and really
friendly. We talked and things ended there.
Long after that encounter, I began
hearing comments from other acquaintances, colleagues, and casual friends about
their preferences for dating black
that rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve never stated having a preference for any
particular race. I’ve always been pretty open, but the problem I have with the
“once you go black” reference is that it can come off as offensive. I’m not a
fetish, fantasy, or a trend for some guy that has a thing for black women.
While it’s flattering being approached and appreciated for who I am, I never
want someone’s fascination with me to be predicated upon a self-seeking desire
to just be with me, or, any of my other fellow African-American brothers and
sisters, because of stereotypes and bragging rights about being with someone
black. That’s so messed up on so many levels. We’re not fetishes, fantasies, or
a trend. We’re human beings who just happen to be another race. Be with whoever
you want to be with, just make sure it’s for the right reasons.