Skip to main content

Once You Go Black…

There’s a saying that goes, “Once you go black, you never go back” referencing those outside of the African- American race having a preference for being intimately involved with African-American men and women. Honestly, I don’t like the saying. While I have no issues with interracial relationships, I find non African-Americans who are too extra about their preference for being attracted and/or romantically linked to us – annoying. Since when did being with someone black become trendy? The first time I noticed this was during a seemingly innocent interaction. I was out on the town with a friend, and a guy took notice of me. He was obviously shy, because he sent his friend over to be his wing man. To give you more of a visual, both of these guys were white. When the guy that was too scared to talk to me sent his friend over, my friend and I brushed them off. We all ended up running into each other again, only this time around the shy guy’s sister approached me. She asked me if I was married, to which I replied, “no” and then she said, “My brother’s had his eyes on you the whole night. He loooooves black women!” I could see she had been drinking, so I didn’t think much of it, but I decided to be open and give her brother a chance. He was cute and really friendly. We talked and things ended there.


Long after that encounter, I began hearing comments from other acquaintances, colleagues, and casual friends about their preferences for dating black that rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve never stated having a preference for any particular race. I’ve always been pretty open, but the problem I have with the “once you go black” reference is that it can come off as offensive. I’m not a fetish, fantasy, or a trend for some guy that has a thing for black women. While it’s flattering being approached and appreciated for who I am, I never want someone’s fascination with me to be predicated upon a self-seeking desire to just be with me, or, any of my other fellow African-American brothers and sisters, because of stereotypes and bragging rights about being with someone black. That’s so messed up on so many levels. We’re not fetishes, fantasies, or a trend. We’re human beings who just happen to be another race. Be with whoever you want to be with, just make sure it’s for the right reasons. 
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

The Day I Became A Kidney Donor

About a year ago, I had a dream my dad wanted to talk to our family about something serious. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to discuss, but I knew it was something I needed to prepare myself for. Around the time after I had this dream, I remember stopping by my parents place and sensing something was going on that they weren’t telling me. I tried to dismiss what I’d been feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. Something serious was happening. As I returned to my home after visiting them one day, I was in my kitchen washing dishes when a heaviness hit my heart like nothing I’d ever felt before. Something’s wrong with dad. That’s what that dream was about. God, what’s going on? As I continued washing dishes, I started crying and praying. Then in mid-spring, my dad held an unexpected family meeting that would change all our lives forever. He hesitated at first, and as his voice started cracking and he started crying, he said, “Well, I wanted to talk to ya’ll to tell you that I have kidney disea...
Read more

I’m Glad I’m Not Married

When I was about five years old, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car when me, him, my older cousin (my aunt’s son), and my aunt (my dad’s sister) caught my aunt’s fiancé with another woman. My dad had been driving my aunt out to run some errands since she didn’t have a driver’s license or a car. When she spotted her man with another woman, she told my dad to pull the car over, got out of the car, and immediately addressed him. She wanted the keys back to her apartment and was done with him. The other woman she caught her fiancé with slapped him when she realized what was happening, and that was that. When my aunt returned to the car, she was clearly and understandably upset, and the ride back to her place was quiet. Although I was too young to fully grasp what was happening at the time, I knew it wasn’t good. And now, at 34 years old, I can’t imagine how much pain she was in. Her wedding had been planned and paid for – and she never made it down the aisle. My aunt was a beaut...
Read more

Black Male Athletes And Their Dating Preferences

In the 2017 horror film Get Out , there’s an unforgettable scene when one of the film’s villainous characters, Rose, a young white woman, is seen eating Fruit Loops and drinking a bottle of milk through a straw as she searches the internet for “Top NCAA prospects.” This moment in the film is frightening because the purpose of Rose’s search is to ultimately lure young and unsuspecting Black men to a deadly fate after she begins dating them. If you’ve seen the film, you know how everything ultimately turns out, but if you haven’t, you’ll have a better understanding of the bigger picture.  Recently, college football superstar and future NFL prospect, Travis Hunter, became a source of media scrutiny and controversy regarding his relationship with his fiancée, Leanna Lenee. Much of the criticism was around his fiancée and comments she shared about how she wasn’t initially interested in Travis before they started dating. Additionally, she received backlash regarding the couple’s interact...
Read more