Objectifying Men

I believe a lot of men objectify women and enjoy it. While it’s disgusting and discomforting, I sometimes wonder, how often do women objectify men? I find that it rarely happens. Even with the rise of the male romper trend (it’s not a good look lol), men in Speedo’s, shirtless men with ripped abs featured in various ads, in addition to male strip clubs and the whole Magic Mike thing (you know, the film with Channing Tatum who’s a dreamer by day and a stripper by night?) Oh, and how could I forget all those guys on the abc reality show, The Bachelorette? The sexualization of men does happen. I can only write from my perspective as a young woman, but most of the women I’ve been around don’t frequent male strip clubs, make inappropriate comments or gestures, or use improper pick up lines to get at guys the way some guys do with women. At best, I usually hear things like, he’s cute, he’s hot, he’s a babe, or he’s sexy. The same way I don’t like being objectified, I can’t imagine that guys would enjoy it, however, if the tables were turned, it’d be interesting to see what the reactions would be like.

While I can always appreciate an attractive guy, I believe in exercising self-control. Complimenting men is fine, but I’m not into the objectification thing. Even as a modern day feminist, I don’t think its okay to objectify anyone, male or female. There’s nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, so as long as things don’t go into the land of objectification.

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Ditching Dating And Decentering Men

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

The Day I Made A Will

When I was a teenager, I remember writing a list of my greatest fears. One of the things I listed was death. Looking back, it was an interesting item to list because inevitably, death is something each of us will face at some point in our lives. Even though it’s no longer a fear of mine, I understand why and how it’s not a comfortable thing for everyone to navigate. But regardless, this past summer I completed a detailed will. I signed it, had witnesses sign it, and got it notarized. As I was getting everything done, one of the witnesses looked at me and said, “You know, it’s just that you’re so young…” I’ve learned that death doesn’t care how young or how old you are. You can be five, fifteen, thirty, or fifty, and it’s still something that happens. Completing my will wasn’t scary. It gave me peace of mind having documentation in place stating my detailed directives and requests. A year ago, I had one of my kidneys removed. It was a surgery that came with risks that were presented cle...

Making Waves