I accepted a position at a place
a number of people warned me not to take. Despite the warnings and cautionary tales I decided to go forward anyway. I had heard all kinds of things. It’s a dead end. There are no good ends with
that. You’ll hate it. Quit. You don’t want to get stuck there and more.
When I initially went for this position I didn’t get it. I was so sure I would
and when I didn’t I took that as a sign that maybe everyone who warned me was
right. In my mind I’d decided, I didn’t
want that position anyway. This is for the best. The opportunity came
around again, only this time around I was brought back in and offered the
position. When it came around a second time I thought, well, maybe this is actually something I’m supposed to do. I’d been
going on different interviews and taking meetings since the start of the year. I
was determined not to be one of those college grads that waited until after
graduation to look for a job. I decided, I’d have a job before I crossed the
stage. Even though things didn’t exactly work out that way, they still did work out. But in some of the most
ridiculous, complicated, and rewarding ways.
When I went through the training
process for the newly accepted position things got rough when, on more than one occasion, a higher up and I ended
up going back and forth with one another. I’ll spare the exchange of words, but
I did speak up about things I didn’t think were acceptable. I heavily sensed the higher up I didn’t back down to didn’t want me there. And I was
encouraged in not-so-subtle ways, to quit. And I thought about it. I considered
quitting. It would have been the easy thing to do and I almost did, but just
because someone doesn’t think you’re right for a role, or that you don’t
belong, doesn’t mean you’re not the right person for the job. When I didn’t bow
out I was pulled into meetings and threatened to be terminated. Hearing,
“We’re considering termination” was humiliating and rough because, I
felt like it meant I’d failed at something I was more than capable of
handling. While I had made some mistakes, I know that training is where you’re
able to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on. Everybody learns
differently and at different paces, but in my case, things were especially
challenging. The pressure to perform well with no room for error, along with
going back and forth with a higher up, started to weigh on me. I was coming
home drained, miserable and most days, I felt defeated. It’s hard to deliver
when you’re being encouraged to quit and it’s assumed that you don’t have what
it takes to succeed at the task in front of you. Complicated as it was I knew this
was an opportunity God presented me with and I wasn’t going to let meetings,
threats, mistakes, or someone who didn’t like me ruin that. I’d never go out of
my way to disrespect anyone in charge, but I don’t easily back down from
challenges either.
The previous warnings from others
and constant words, I told you so began
running through my mind, but I made a choice to stick things out. I once heard
that if you don’t like the culture in a place, change it. I went in with that
mindset from the start. Deep down I believed I could create change. I still do.
Regardless of some rough patches I managed to deliver and perform just fine,
and also exceed any low expectations that were set for me. Things happen and
people move on. I hear people complain about their jobs all the time. While
there are highs and lows with any position I try to keep perspective and look
at the bigger picture. It’s a blessing being employed. And one of the only
expectations to have from most, if not any position, is a paycheck. The
emotional stuff should be checked and left at the door. There are others who
would love the position I’m in. And even on the rough days I remind myself, I got this. Often, God puts us in places
for a reason. As a woman and especially as a young black woman, having to
prove myself, working twice as hard, and being twice as good is not something
foreign to me. I know how this world works and what I’m up against. And no matter
what, I know I have what it takes to be great.