I’ve often sat with the question, who are my real friends, Lord? I have
about two confidants, and many constituents and comrades. Being able to
recognize the differences between the confidants, constituents, and comrades in
my life is something that has served me well, and making the mistake of
confusing the three have been the source
of some of my biggest heartbreaks. I learned of these three categories after
listening to a sermon from T.D. Jakes about being grounded in friendships. In
his sermon he mentioned the importance of knowing the differences between
confidants, constituents, and comrades in life. I also remember reading about
them in his book, Destiny. I got a
refresher course on the topic, and also took the time to take some much needed inventory
on different people in my own life. In his sermon, T.D. Jakes said something I’ll
never forget. He said, “You have all three (confidants, constituents, and
comrades) but woe be unto you if you get them confused.” Please
know the differences. You’ll quickly learn who your real friends are, who the
one’s are that simply share similar interests, and those that are only along
for a ride. In Destiny, T.D. Jakes explains
each…
Confidants are the people who will love you
unconditionally. They are into you. They have your back whether you’re up or
down. They are with you for the long haul. You will have very few of them in
your lifetime, and if you find two or three in your entire lifetime, you’re
blessed.
Constituents aren’t into you, but are into what
you’re for. They’ll walk with you and work with you, but the relationship will
end there. They’re not going to stay for the long haul. They’ll walk away if
they meet someone else who can get them further faster.
Comrades aren’t for you or against you. They’re just
against what you’re against. Comrades are strange bedfellows. They usually come
around to take on a common enemy, and once the enemy is defeated or a mission
is complete, they’ll walk away from you.
It’s important to prioritize these relationships because
if you don’t, you’ll mess yourself up. Categorizing these three never
registered with me until I learned about them, and once I did, I examined all the
people I’ve ever known or encountered, and realized I really don’t have a lot
of friends. I no longer confuse former classmates, people I’ve met in passing,
chilled with for a bit, co-workers, social media friends, or anyone else as
confidants. Most of them are constituents and comrades. I always pray about
this, because I’ve fallen short and know the damage that can come with
confusing the three. I hope this encourages you to take a good look at the
people in your own life, and know the differences too.