We Were Friends for a Season… And That’s Okay

A lot of people don’t know how to be good friends. Mutual respect, genuine love, trust, consistency, and loyalty are traits hard to come by. I haven’t had too many friendships that consisted of those things. I have however, had plenty of shallow ones. Shallow, consisting of everything from hundreds of social media friends I don’t consider to be real friends, some peers I may have shared classes with, people I’ve attended church services with, a handful of folks I have things in common with, and some who I’ve met in passing. See the differences? One morning, I thought about all the different friends that have come in and out of my life, and the first thing I thought was, we were friends for a season and that’s okay. Whenever I’ve considered someone a friend, I really loved them. Which is why no matter whom they were or how we parted ways, I always felt those voids when things unexpectedly shifted. Most of the time some of my ended friendships weren’t instant, we’re over, cases but many times, there were things that gradually led to parting ways. Life stuff like college, jobs, serious relationships, kids, and careers caused some of us to drift apart, but I really felt the distance as I grew closer to God and I felt even more discomfort when…

I was always the one reaching out first with no reciprocity in return.

my phone only rang or had incoming texts when someone only wanted or needed something.

some friends traded up.

some of my friends got into partying (and while I did partake) I ultimately wasn’t about that life.

a former friend hooked up with a guy I was talking to and thought I didn’t know about it.

my texts were ignored.

some of my friends went out without inviting me, only later for me to see their good time posted all over social media.

I hugged a friend like it would be the last time, because to my surprise, it would be the last time.

I said I love you and it wasn’t said back.

some of them walked away with no warning or explanations.

I had to learn how to do my own thing and be my own best friend, and you know what? I love her, because even when people haven’t stuck around, she knows whenever it gets down to her and God, she’ll be just fine. Every friend I’ve ever had has left me with some unforgettable and special memories, I’ll never forget. A lot of us were just friends for a season and that’s okay. Being able to recognize that, eases my spirit, and makes it easier to no longer associate the title of friend to people who aren’t worthy.

There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother – Proverbs 18:24

Thoughts From a Black Educator: Qualified, Credentialed, and Constantly Undermined

I’m a Black educator in my fifth year of teaching middle school English, and in my third as the 8th Grade English PLC (Professional Learning Community) Lead. And while I genuinely enjoy the purposeful work I get to do, seeing the growth of my scholars, and continuing to hone my skills in a content area I’ve loved since I was a little girl, I’ve had to confront some unpleasant experiences in this space. I’d been through much worse when I was an academic advisor at a Christian university. Racism, sexism, harassment, and workplace bullying were sadly norms in that environment. However, some of what I’ve experienced as a Black educator hasn’t been normal … It doesn’t seem normal to be the only Black educator in my department – in a predominantly Black school. One of my Black colleagues once said, “It should look like a Tyler Perry movie in here.” But it doesn’t. It didn’t feel normal being reprimanded in a meeting (during my second year of teaching) by an administrator who went in on...

Stop Saying Stupid Stuff To People Who Are Childless

I’m convinced that many people don’t think before they speak. Especially when it comes to interacting with people who don’t have children. Normally, I’ve held my peace with this and felt the need to solely address women when it comes to this topic, but lately this is a message that men can benefit from too. Stop saying stupid stuff to people who don’t have children . I know this might be a difficult task for those of you who are nosey, have concerns that have nothing to do with you, or may be unhappy in your own life, but stop with the questions, jokes, and reckless comments. Even if you believe you’re being funny, making conversation, or coming from a genuine place, you’re honestly out of line. Because someone not having children and why is none of your business. I don’t have children, and I honestly don’t know if I will, but as a woman, I’m good with my life either way. I’ll always be grateful for what I have instead of lamenting about what I don’t. Which is probably why getting olde...

Ditching Dating And Decentering Men

Today’s current dating climate is bizarre. It’s grown so bizarre, that men barely, if ever in some cases, will approach a woman in person and ask her out on a date. Instead, the new normal has become DM sliding, creeping on social media accounts, and liking photos to build romantic connections, which honestly doesn’t sound too romantic or appealing to me at all. As a child of the 90s and a teenager of the early 2000s, I miss and prefer the time when men interacted with women without hiding behind technology. There was something special about handwritten cards and notes, thoughtful dates, serendipity, and intentionality. After having some unpleasant encounters, embarrassing moments, and failed set ups (from well meaning people who believe I need to be partnered), I’ve decided, that now, at 36, to choose me. I’m ditching dating and decentering men. I’m no longer interested in meeting anyone, dating, or creating space to prioritize a relationship. I’ve never been a male-centered woman any...

Making Waves