I
just think a certain group of people don’t like the police,
she said. I don’t think that most people
dislike like them, except for a certain group of people. The person who
said this was white. And it didn’t end there. She also felt comfortable to
express this thought, because she was once in an interracial relationship with a
black man, and had two mixed children from that relationship, so she felt her
stance was accurate with no room for disagreement. She thought she was right,
and that those of us who disagreed with her were wrong.
I wasn’t going to say anything (as I don’t enjoy conflict,
let alone conversations about race or the issues minorities have with law
enforcement) but I couldn’t stay quiet. Not this time.
One day a colleague of mine (who’s black) shared
that he wouldn’t want to be a cop and that it’s the most hated job on the
planet. He also went on to share why, and his reasons went without saying, at
least from my point of view. Immediately, I was able to empathize with him
because I knew why he felt the way he
did. For a moment, a deafening silence fell over the room. He, myself, another
young black woman, and a couple of young white women happened to be present as
this conversation was about to take off. I said, I
could go in with what you’re saying, but
because of the setting we’re in, I’m going to chill. Now, outside of this
setting? That’s a different story. There’s a time and place for everything. He
nodded and I was trying to change the subject because I could feel things about
to tense up. After he shared his thoughts, the woman I mentioned above said, I just think a certain group of people don’t
like the police. I don’t think that
most people dislike like them, except for a certain group of people. Naturally,
I thought, by a certain group, she means
black people. She also went on to explain that officers profile people
because of the crime in the areas they live in, and not necessarily because of the
way someone looks. I was trying to focus on the task in front of me, but
after she said that, I knew I had to speak up. Before I could though, the guy
who sparked the conversation told her, I
completely disagree with you. A lot of people are scared of the police, don’t
like them, and live in fear about the same people who are in those positions
that are supposed to protect us. So, she pulled out her phone and tried to make a point of proving him
wrong.
Immediately I thought, dude, she
doesn’t get it and she won’t. She’s coming from a white perspective and because
she’s not black, she’s not able to understand the situation. As I listened
to them both openly go back and forth, I jumped in and said, I don’t believe people should fear the
police, but I get it. Not all cops are bad. I have friends who are married
to cops who seem like great guys, but, if and when you’re a minority that’s
ever been profiled, marginalized, or discriminated against, you know exactly
what it’s like to have the views you do about what's happening in the world, because we live it almost every
day because of the skin we’re in. I’m brown. That’s not going to change and I
already know because of that, I will (and have continually been) profiled,
marginalized, and discriminated against – at school, the public, workplaces,
anywhere. After I said that, the guy replied, you basically covered everything I was trying to say.
After I said
what I said, the other young black woman shared an upsetting story about how
she and her family were profiled by the police once, after they were pulled
over on suspicion that ultimately
turned out to be invalid. Her story was terrifying to hear, but it was an
example of why a lot of black people feel the way they do, and with good
reason. So, the other woman who kept trying to challenge this opinion quickly
started apologizing, but still stood her ground on her stance as well. I chimed
in again, saying, when someone has never
shared the same experience as you, you can’t expect them to understand where
you’re coming from about different things. I once heard that no one can relate
to a drug addict, like a former drug addict and that no one can relate to
someone who’s been raped, like a rape survivor. Know why? Because these groups
of people have shared some of the same experiences and can empathize with what
the same person who’s been through what they’ve been through, on a level that
someone who hasn’t, can’t. As the conversation ended, everybody eased back
into the day. There were no hard feelings, and I definitely don’t think the
white woman in the debate was racist. I just think her limited perspective
blinded her. And the fact that she’d been in an interracial relationship and
had mixed kids wasn’t something I felt neither swayed nor impressed by. In
fact, I’m leery of people in interracial relationships who try to play that
card anyway, because just because you’re with someone black, doesn’t mean you
fully understand what it’s like to be
black. It’s almost like hearing non-minorities claim they’re not racist because
they have that one black friend or
have a preference to just date black guys or girls…(that’s a different story
for another time) but my point is, don’t expect people to “get” you or why you
feel the way you feel, when they have never shared your experiences. It’d be impossible for them to understand why you feel the way you do.