What was cute, funny, and okay in my early twenties
is no longer acceptable as I’m getting older. When I think about some of the
fun yet crazy, stupid, and sometimes downright reckless things I did in my
early twenties, I think about how cool it’d be to have a time machine, just so
I could go back and do things differently. I was very immature, naïve, and did
a lot of wandering. Now, at 27, I’m still growing but remembering some
important lessons I’ll never forget. In my early twenties, I’d do things and
put up with a lot of different stuff that I’d never stand for now. Sadly, I see a lot of people around my age or
older who don’t want to grow up. A lot of them seem fine hanging around the
same people who support their immaturity, while making unwise choices, and refusing
to grow up. When I was in my early twenties I had an immature and unrealistic
outlook on things like friendship, money, guys, dating, and finding love and I
also dived into things that could’ve destroyed my witness as a Christian.
Fortunately, I’ve been able to learn from my mistakes. I serve a merciful God
that loved my enough to guide me in a better way, in addition to having parents
who loved me enough to tell me the truth, even when it hurt and even when I was
being stubborn. For the record -- you’re never too grown to listen to your parents. Trust me. When it came to
friendships, money, dudes, and bad choices, here’s what I experienced in those
early years…
Friendship – I didn’t surround myself with the best
people in my early twenties. A lot of the time I stayed in friendships way past
their expiration dates because I was a coward. I knew it was time to move on
but like most people, I was loyal to dysfunction because it was familiar. I was close with people who
were bad influences. While I did make the choice to partake in different things
like backsliding, bar hopping, late nights out, and gossip, I did those things
because my friends at the time were doing them, and I didn’t want to lose them
or feel like I was missing out. I’ve been saved since I was seven, but my
relationship with the Lord was struggling back then, and I needed to be with
some grounded Christian friends. There’s nothing wrong with having
non-Christian friends, but if your relationships with them are leading you to
compromise in ways that hinder your relationship with the Lord, then it may be
time to reevaluate who you’re spending time with. Even in the midst of my very brief
stint as a wild child, I desired something more and eventually got it but not
without hitting rock bottom, first. Two years ago, I went out bar hopping for the
last time. It was one of the worst nights of my life and I haven’t been out
partying since. Now, I much prefer quiet dinners, chill nights in, and keeping
things as low key as possible.
Money – A lot of twenty-something’s handle money
carelessly and don’t even get me started on credit cards. I’m working on a
piece about money management that I’ll drop soon, but the best thing you can
and should do with money in your
twenties is to save as much as possible. If you must have a credit card, have
just one and don’t rack up charges
with things you don’t need. You have to pay that money back. Months ago, I paid
off a credit card I mishandled when I was 20, and I made myself a promise that
it’ll never happen again. Be careful
how you handle your money, seek wise counsel, and definitely learn to budget. Delayed
gratification is a dope approach when it comes to money and financial freedom.
Most people know this even if they
make poor financial choices.
Guys, Dating, and Finding Love – For a long time I
thought I wanted to be married early and thought that everyone but me was coupled off and getting hitched. I was wrong and
I’m glad I changed my mind. When I was a freshman in college, a lot of the girls were thirsty to get married
right away and a number of them did, only later to be separated, divorced, or
find that marriage wasn’t the fairy tale they
imagined. I thought their mindsets were weird, until I thought maybe I should
have the same desire too. There was a lengthy season when I wasn’t attending
college (due to financial setbacks) and I thought I could always get married. At least I’d have something going for
myself. I can’t believe there was a time that I ever thought so little of
myself. I didn’t go out on my first official date
until I was 21 and when the first guy I fell for showed interest, I thought he
was my future husband. In my defense
he did mention wanting to wife me but
it was ultimately all talk. He knew I was Christian and he studied me, and
played me. Since he was older and appeared
to have something going for himself, I was excited about us having a future
together, even though my family and some friends shared on multiple occasions, we think you’re too good for him, and
looking back, I really was. Long story short, it didn’t last. It took me a long
time to get over it but it taught me to slow down, and to not approach a guy
with the mindset of he could be the one.
There were other guys that came after him and things got even more complicated.
At the time, I was the only one out of my group of friends that was celibate (I
know this sounds like a foreign idea these days but I believe it’s the best way
to go…to each their own, though), so because I wasn’t getting busy, most of the
guys that showed interest would eventually bounce when they realized things
wouldn’t get that far (which said a lot about them.) I believe that if a guy
can exercise self-control in that area, he probably knows how to have
self-control across the board, which is incredibly attractive. I’m just saying.
I know better now.
When you know
better, you tend to do better. Now
that I’m older, I’m not perfect but I’m doing better. I’m learning to approach
my friendships better by choosing wisely, and being selective about who I spend
my time with and why. I also aim to make better decisions with my money, and I
don’t waste time dating or entertaining guys I have zero interest in. I also
still listen to my parents, and go to them and/or another trusted adult that’s
wise that can help me navigate through this time in my life. I love being in my
twenties and while I wish I’d learned the things I know now, earlier, I’m not
certain that I’d have a better mindset if I hadn’t made the mistakes I did. I have
a number of friends who are younger than me, that remind me so much of how I used to be and sometimes when I see them
repeating some of my former mistakes, I want to step in and stop them, but I’ve
learned to back off. On one occasion I had one of my younger friends bark at
me, you’re not my mom! So,
I backed up. Some people just have to learn on their own, no matter how much
you don’t want to see them mess up. I’m still learning and growing, and feel
like I’m growing into a great place. I can only see things getting better and
if my twenties have been this nice, I can’t wait to see what my thirties will
bring.
When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought
like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I put childish
ways behind me – 1 Corinthians 13:11