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Discontent

Discontent is defined as a lack of contentment and dissatisfaction with one’s circumstances. Weighing contentment and discontent came to my mind some time ago, and I thought about all the things I’ve wanted (some of which I’ve obtained) that I thought I’d be content with once I got them. Turns out, I was wrong. I’m not discontented about anything at the moment, but after digging deeper into the “why?” of everything I’ve worked towards, wanted, and received I realized there’s nothing that could ever make me feel like I’ve arrived in life. My contentment isn’t and shouldn’t be based on material things, accomplishments, status, or what I can get, because I’m often reminded that none of those things will ever make me feel whole. Only God can do that. I wrote out a list of different things and asked myself, “Why do you want this and what are you getting out of it?” My list consisted of the following…

A college degree – for knowledge, education, and a ticket to open doors, opportunities, and independence.

A great; well paying career – to be able to take care of myself. I believe every woman should be financially independent. Unfortunately, I’ve seen the consequences of women who haven’t, and a number of them end up stuck in situations or relationships they don’t want to be in or feel safe to leave, because they’re either unemployed or dependent upon someone else’s income. That will never happen to me.

Love with a significant other – to share my love and life with a partner/best friend.

A ring and a wedding – I originally thought I wanted these things because it seemed to make sense for me, only because it’s what I saw family and friends do, but I changed my mind. I’ve seen these things get tainted too much with pressure, bad motives, and a spirit of idol worship. At this point, I’d prefer to elope should things ever get serious enough for a long-term commitment.

Have more travel opportunities – to explore more of the world and gain new experiences.

Be wealthy – to be able to give, grow, and build more.

Have a baby – to have my legacy carried on, but it really depends on who I end up with. Children are not a must have for me. I can live with/without the motherhood experience.

Be a writer – to operate in my purpose and inspire, encourage, and change lives.

Being able to figure out my why’s helped open my eyes to what makes sense for me. I think it’s unwise to go by what everyone else seems to be doing, or what appears to look good in the lives of others. Exploring what fits for me, makes sense to me. All the things I’ve listed would never define me. They’re simply additions, yet so many people have the whole notion of, if I could just do this or get this, I’d be happy and/or content… twisted. My list has changed so much and I’ve watched God strip a lot of things away from it, add more things I haven’t listed, and have Him teach me to desire more of what He desires for me, even when it seems too wild or out of reach to receive. I’ve struggled with discontent before, but knowing I can release those struggles to God, and be in a place of contentment that comes from fully trusting Him, gives me a level of peace that’s indescribable.


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